People Magazine must have a bunch of grannies with cataracts judging the Sexiest Man Alive awards. This year they picked Matt Dillon…err…. Damon.

Uhhh, no.

I’m totally going to sound gay in this post, but Matt Damon isn’t that sexy. To say that someone is the sexiest man alive is kind of a big deal. When I think of Matt Damon, I think of him years ago when he had the stupidest haircut ever.

Bo Rics what!

Don’t get me wrong – I like Matt Damon as an actor, but he’s a short, average looking man with great acting ability. You know who else has great abilities? Me. One time a cop pulled me over and asked if I knew what I did wrong. I told him I didn’t know, but I was totally acting!

Sadly, he knew I meant to run over that ginger kid in the street, and I still got a ticket.

Well, I’m not going to rain on his parade. Congrats Matt Damon, you’re just lucky I’m not famous… yet.

2008 baby!