I’m blessed – I was born with beautiful, long eyelashes. I just batted my lashes right now and a stack of papers flew right off my desk. People can’t stop staring at them sometimes. It gets annoying.

Or maybe it was just that zit I had above my eye. Either way, people can’t stop staring at me and my lashes.

Animals too, apparently.

Anyway, there’s a drug for patients with glaucoma and one of the side effects is longer eye lashes. The drug is called Lumigan and cosmetic surgeons are starting to prescribe it for people who want longer eyelashes. Apparently it works freakishly fast in about 10 days and costs around $160.

Wow. You are so beautiful now. Your life is complete. Go! Be in movies!

Ughhh. Ladies, please. I promise you that no man looks at your eyelashes and thinks, “this person would be more attractive if they just had a little more hair growing above their eyes.”

Instead of making more silly aesthetic decisions, just feel good about yourself. Look at this picture of kittens sitting in teacups.