Children in Ottawa, Canada must have been really bad this year. Some kids who wrote letters to Santa received some pretty uncharacteristic replies from the fat red bastard including some harsh insults and foul language. I can imagine one of the letters going like this:

Dear Lucy,
I got your letter and it seems you want a pony. Guess what? I just happen to have a beautiful white pony for one lucky girl… and it isn’t you. That’s right you little shit. You’ll be lucky to get a turd in a sock this year. How the fuck am I supposed to fit a horse in my bag and get it down the chimney? I recommend you save your money and buy a gerbil.

Love, Santa

The Canada Post is investigating these letters and trying to find out who replied to them. You see, if a kid writes a letter to Santa, it goes to a special place where a normal adult writes back and pretends to be Santa. I’m assuming in this case, the letters went to a crack house.

I hope the person responsible doesn’t get into trouble because kids need to be humbled every now and then; they are selfish little bastards sometimes. Besides, have you seen the Santa’s at the mall? They can be much more frightening to kids than a disappointing letter written by an angry alcoholic.