Miami Beach has exiled all sex offenders, but not intentionally. There is a city ordinance that prohibits any convicted sex offender from living within 2,500 feet of a school. Well, Miami Beach isn’t very big and it’s nearly impossible to find a spot that isn’t within a half mile from any school or playground.

What does this mean? If you guessed “all sex offenders must live under the Julia Tuttle bridge,” then you are a fucking genius.

That’s right. A small colony of perverts, rapists, and kiddy diddlers are living together under a causeway bridge in Miami Beach. They were allotted the space by the city after they basically said, “Well, you don’t have to move out of Miami Beach… you just have to live under a shitty bridge.”

“Helloooo? Any little boys out thereeee?”

This is a wandering child’s worst nightmare. Pretty soon we are going to start seeing movies about a sub culture of pedophiles living under bridges – it’s like a modern day faerie tale!

One complaint a pervert had about the colony is that it’s boring. “I don’t belong here,” Longhands Johnny said. “Everyone that has been sentenced to live here is the same. They all wear the same black robes and hold confession for each other every night. I wish we could mix it up a little and get other sex offenders in here instead of all these Catholic priests.”

“Alter boys are my kryptonite.”