Britney Spears used to be a household name until she tarnished her image so badly, you can’t even think about her without holding your stomach in nauseation. Even in Japan, her name brings disgust to people’s faces.

“Eww, I do not rike that American srut!”

After her brush with the “men in white coats,” Britney was released from the hospital yesterday. Tests had shown that she was indeed not under the influence of any known substance. This could mean one of two things: She was on a newly discovered drug (likely), or she is so insane that she just always appears to be on drugs (also likely).

The best part of this story is the fact that Dr. Phil – of all people – paid Britney a visit in her room before she left the hospital. They spent an hour talking about whatever it is that two of the biggest assholes in America talk about and then Britney escaped the hospital and paparazzi in an underground tunnel.

Dr. Phil was quoted saying, “My meeting with Britney and some family members this morning in her room at Cedars leaves me convinced more than ever that she is in dire need of both medical and psychological intervention.” No shit.

“My expert opinion says that this bitch needs help.”

I want you all to know something – Dr. Phil is not licensed to practice psychology. He went to school and got his phD but he is not a real psychologist. In fact, he is only famous because he gave Oprah some advice on her show years back and she gave him regular appearances on her show. Oprah is also not licensed to practice psychology either.

I propose that we start a petition to keep Britney Spears in the mental hospital so I can have more time to focus on writing “meaningful” material. We can throw doctor Phil and Oprah in there too.