There’s something about two attractive women in the 69 position that gives me a funny sensation in my pants. What is that feeling? It’s a boner.

I love lesbians. The statistics I’m about to make up right now says that 90% of men love lesbians too – the other 10% are gay.

Sweet baby Jesus!

In the USA, it’s the LPGA and WNBA for sporty lesbians. In England, it’s rugby apparently. I’m willing to guess that the rugby lesbians are even less feminine than the butchiest American dyke.

Lesbians aren’t always all about free love, equal rights, and sports though. Sometimes they can be crazy and nobody knows this better than Debbie Humphries from England. Earlier this week, Debbie’s girlfriend, Elaine Grant, came home from a drunken night with her rugby friends and caught Debbie having a sexy webcam chat with her secret lover. What happened next is the crazy part.

But first, to avoid confusion…

Debbie – The nice lesbian. Not very attractive.

Elaine – The crazy, dead lesbian. Read on.

So now that you know Elaine and Debbie were possibly one of the most hideous lesbian couple ever, we can continue on. The events go like this:

1. Elaine catches Debbie on webcam with a more attractive lesbian… well, she couldn’t have been any uglier than Elaine.

2. Elaine grabs knife and threatens to kill Debbie and herself. Proceeds to smash Debbie’s head into the ground.

3. Insisting that Debbie is going to be the one blamed for the murder/suicide, Elaine punches herself in the face and spits blood all over Debbie.

4. Cops come to the house and tell Elaine to chill out or leave. Elaine runs into a field screaming like a madwoman and disappears. Cops leave.

5. Elaine calls Debbie’s brother and demands to speak with her. Brother denies Elaine the conversation with his sister.

6. Elaine hangs herself in a barn.

So much for the rugby finals, huh? Crazy chicks.