Whenever I think of an alcoholic, I think of an old man who spends most of his time at the bar, sitting by himself, drinking solemnly and thinking of the good ol’ days. Or I think of Kiefer Sutherland – he’s my favorite drunk.

I never actually thought of someone robbing you of all of your money to support their alcohol addiction – that sounds like a crackhead.

In Central Florida, three men carjacked Adam Curtis and his friends. They were forced to drive around to different Banks of America and withdrawal all of their money. The thieves were smart enough to make Adam go to his home bank to avoid ATM fees and maximize their funds. Smart!

When all their money was withdrawn and handed over to the theives, Adam Curtis and his buddies were forced to drive the burglars to numerous stores and purchase beer for them. Afterwards, they stole the car but left everyone unharmed. The police found the car, but are still looking for the criminals… and the beer.

If it was donuts that had been stolen, the cops would have already solved the case.

I’ve stooped as low as pretending it’s my birthday for free shots from random people at the bar (it works!). I’ve even let a spilled Jager bomb drip into my mouth off a table. Never before have I actually thought of robbing someone for something I could brew in my own basement. I already know how these criminals’ kids are going to turn out…

“Stick em up! I’m only here for the Ring Pops and Colt 45.”