Dede is by all means a perfectly healthy 35 year old Indonesian fisherman. By “perfectly healthy,” I mean that he doesn’t get sick very often and generally lives a happy life – except for the fact that he’s turning into a tree.

“I’m not terrifyingly hideous at all!”

Years ago, Dede got a little cut on his knee. Through the cut, he was exposed to HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) which causes warts. Large root-like warty masses started growing all over his body due to a very rare condition that prevents his body from fighting the infection. The result was an ever-worsening cluster of growths taking over his arms, legs, and… I don’t even want to know where else.

“Quick, someone get me to some fertile soil and water me!”

An American dermatology expert discovered that by taking daily doses of synthetic Vitamin A, Dede’s condition can be drastically improved and possibly even cured. The largest of the “roots” can eventually be surgically removed and he may even be able to use his hands and feet the normal way, instead of bearing fruit for the local wildlife to steal while he’s sleeping.

This is sad news to me though. I understand that Dede has the right to live a full and happy life, but I was really looking forward to watching him slowly turn into a Treebeard from Lord of the Rings.

“Hop on, Frodo! You can see the Shire from here.”

Still, as revolting as Dede looks, his condition is much better than Postititis – getting a paper cut and having post-it-like growths covering your body.

“I just fucked a dry erase board!”