Native people all over the world have been getting fucked over ever since the first white man set out to colonize the world. Actually, it goes back much further, but I just like to blame the white devils for everything.

In a display of great compassion, Australia parliament has issued a public apology to it’s Native people, known as Aborigines. For some ridiculous reason, this made it on the front page of Google News. The apology comes after roughly 300 years of mistreatment the Aborigines. Is someone not sleeping so well at night?

Insert your own perverted caption.

Look how awesome the Aborigines are. I wouldn’t even know about them if it wasn’t for the movie Crocodile Dundee.

“That’s not a knoyfe. This is a knoyfe.”

It was through this movie that I learned to respect their culture. I also developed a great case of jealously about the fact that a 60 year old Aborigine will undoubtedly have more muscle tone and better hair than I will ever have.

Not fair.

Back to the point though… an apology? You see, Australia feels bad that Aborigines didn’t have equal rights until 1967. Now, a very large percentage of these people suffer from poor health, poverty, and countless others are in prison. Even more recently than the Native Americans, Aborigine children were taken from their homes and forced to live with white families.

Australia: “Hey, Aborigines?”
Abs: “Uh, what the fuck do you want?”
Australia: “Well… we’re sorry about the way you have all been treated. We just wanted to tell you.
Abs: “So, you finally realized that all humans deserve to be equal? You do realize that it’s 2008, right?”
Australia: “Yeah, sorry. We fucked up. It was wrong.”
Abs: “Do we get any kind of reparations for this?”
Australia: “We were kind of just hoping that an apology would set things right between us. No hard feelings?”
Abs: “Go fuck yourselves.”
Australia: “Sorry it has to be this way. Let the record show that we, the Australians, apologized to those primitives. Put it on Google News!“

Australia, I once wanted to visit you. Now I just want to take a giant shit on your country. You apologize after stepping on someone’s foot, not stealing their children and destroying their culture. This is exactly what I would expect from a country whose main immigrant population is descended from thieves and criminals.