In the past few years, I’ve known several young people who have tied the knot. Since then, several of those people have also got divorced or sit around all day and bitch about how much their marriage sucks. Why? Because they’re fucking stupid for getting married in the first place.

I’m speaking for the general public here, not everyone. If you’re happily married and you disagree with this, it’s not because I’m wrong – it’s because you’re one of the very few couples that has found true love in this modern age of materialism, cheating, and myspace (cheating again). And you’re probably over the age of 35.

A classic display of premature marriage was shown this week on Fox’s “Moment of Truth” reality show when Lauren admitted to millions of viewers that she’s pretty much the worst wife a man could ask for.

The plot of the show is simple: A contestant is asked several questions while hooked up to a lie detector backstage. They are then brought out in front of an audience to re-answer their questions. If every answer was truthful, they win a large sum of money. If they are caught lying at all, they get jack shit.

The questions can range from “Have you ever masturbated in public,” to “Do you ever think of little boys naked when you watch your son’s little league game?” This is easily the most uncomfortable show I’ve ever seen, yet I can’t look away!

In this week’s Moment of Truth, one of the contestants blew my fucking mind. Although only her first name was revealed, I will refer to her as Lauren McSlutface. She made it very far into the game, but as her questions progressed she began admitting some pretty heartbreaking news, like how she would leave her husband if her ex-boyfriend took her back. Watch as she slowly demolishes her marriage with Frank all for the sake of $200,000, which she ultimately lost by failing to honestly answer the question, “Are you a good person?”

So there you have it. The only person that could ever win the money without looking like an asshole is Jesus Christ. Needless to say, I won’t be signing up to be a contestant anytime soon. Good luck patching things up with Frank!