“10,000″ BC
posted on March 10th, 2008 by Dustin at 2:52 pm (EST) with 6 Comments
I don’t typically do movie reviews, but this weekend I saw a movie so terrible that I just had to write about it.
A few months ago, I saw the trailer for the movie 10,000 BC and I couldn’t wait to see it. Everything appeared to look accurate to what I would’ve considered Earth be like 100 centuries ago – complete with cavemen and mammoths. Well, I saw the movie this weekend and they should have called it “10,000 BS” because I haven’t seen a more historically inaccurate movie since The Land Before Time.
“Hey, you guys seen 10,000 BC yet? What a load of shit.”
Where can I begin with what’s wrong with this movie? I guess I could just say “everything,” but I’d need to be more specific.
1) All of the main characters in the movie speak English. The only people who spoke other languages were African or Egyptian. This is bullshit – I can imagine that imitating caveman language would be the easiest thing in the world: “Argghh. Brawrrrlll! Mmph Yaaarrr!”
B) There are dinosaurs in this movie. Well, kind of a hybrid between an ostrich and a Velociraptor. The last dinosaurs had been extinct for millions of years before this movie supposedly took place. I know it’s fictional, but it’s not called “10,000 BC, Plus Some Other Shit From 65 Million BC.”
iii) ZzZzz – The movie is boring as fuck. Aside from a few really sweet action-packed scenes, I found myself staring at the wall often and shifting uncomfortably in my chair as if I had a wicked case of hemorrhoids.
I’m typically a person who can at least find a few redeeming qualities in most of the movies I watch, but I can’t help but feel like this movie was over-hyped. Save your time and money if you were thinking about going to see 10,000 BC. I’d recommend smoking PCP instead and watching the Discovery Channel during Dino Week instead.
6 Comments - Leave One!
Comments
Comment from Whit
Time March 10, 2008 at 7:34 pm
lol damn that kinda sucks. I wanted to see that movie. Well, duh Dustin, of course it's not going to be in cave man language because then nobody would know what the fuck they were talking about. Sheesh :laughing:
Comment from Dustin
Time March 10, 2008 at 7:46 pm
The dialogue was such garbage, that grunts and other noises would have been much better than listening to them talk. I would have rather not understood the storyline than figure out how completely retarded it was.
Comment from dave
Time March 17, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Just for the record, Egyptians ARE Africans. I loved this movie! I laughed and cried along with the foibles of the well-developed main characters, and became so overcome with emotion that I actually had to masturbate. Fortunately, I was close enough to the curtains on the side of the theater to wipe up! My damned trench coat kept getting in the way of my throwing arm, but I practiced vigilance…
Comment from dustin
Time March 18, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Funny you mention your trench coat getting in the way of your throwing arm. I hate when my jizz rag falls off my shoulder into my lap when I'm rubbin' one out.
Comment from Lucy
Time July 24, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Lmfao. My parents rented this movie the other day, And my mom told me it was so bad she would rather been having sex with my dad.
Comment from me
Time March 10, 2008 at 4:55 pm
hahahahahahahahaha i'm going to steal you