It wasn’t too long ago that I wrote about American Airlines neglecting to aid a woman suffering from heart failure mid-flight. This week, American Airlines is being sued for something completely different that wasn’t even their fault. Get ready to be creeped out worse than if you woke up next to convicted sex felon Brian Peppers.

According to a new lawsuit, filed by a 21 year old woman, American Airlines “failed to protect her” from a man who masturbated in the seat next to her. Wait, it gets better.

The woman woke up from a nap and opened her eyes to see a strange man staring at her while furiously jacking off. She wisely turned towards the window in shock and embarrassment – that’s when she noticed that she had a giant load of semen blown all over the side of her head. It’s really hard for me to type right now because I can’t stop laughing.

I don’t know why she is complaining; semen has been proven to contain vitamins that are very beneficial to the hair and skin, plus it makes a very effective styling product.

Eventually, employees aboard the plane caught wind of the ordeal and notified airport police, who arrested the man when he stepped off the plane. The “victim” is now seeking $200,000 from the airline for punitive damages that she suffered. I say they should have just compensated her with a free flight voucher and a wet napkin to clean up with.

“And here is a nice cup of water and a napkin to wipe that sperm off your face.”

Although I’m sure it was a traumatizing experience, what exactly did she need protection from? If anything, she should feel complimented that a man found her attractive enough to just pull out his junk mid-flight and make romance explosions into her hair. You don’t even get that kind of treatment in first class.

Either way, he’s in jail now and this may or may not be his mugshot: