For those of you who don’t know her, Heather Mills is Paul McCartney’s most recent ex-wife. If you don’t know Paul McCartney, he’s one of the two remaining Beatles alive – and shame on you for not knowing that.

For the record – and I’m sure many people will be disgusted by this statement – I hate the Beatles. I don’t even have a particular reason for this besides the fact that when I listen to their music, I feel like my ears just got fucked by a baby elephant.

2girls1elephant

A few years back, I remember reading about Paul McCartney throwing a private party for his birthday and charging people for drinks. No open bar, at a Beatle’s party? It only seemed natural that McCartney would end up marrying one of the greediest women alive – Heather Mills.

The newly-divorced couple reached a settlement yesterday and Mills was awarded $48.6 million of her husband’s fortune. That’s about $34,000 for each day that she was married to McCartney. This is no doubt a kick in the vagina to Mills, who was originally asking for $250 million. The judge’s response to that: “LOL, no.”

Heather Mills, who the fuck do you think you are?

This bitch is intense.

After the settlement, the presiding judge voiced his opinion of Mills, basically calling her a greedy, lying psycho bitch. She more or less exaggerated every aspect of her life to justify her reason for needing so much of her husband’s money. At one point, she claimed to need $1.25 million a year “to give to charities, but admitted she would be using $985,000 of that amount for traveling to appearances via helicopters and private jets.” U2 should write a song about her.

To be honest, I kind of feel bad for her. Now she’s going to have to wipe her ass with regular toilet paper instead of silk and $100 bills. Poor Heather.