Ladies, have you ever woken up one morning and felt something terribly wrong with your mental health? You can’t quite pinpoint it, but you feel like the source of your stress and anxiety is possibly the fact that you don’t have a penis. Then you come to the realization that you’ve wanted to be a man your whole life. You want to burp, fart, drink beer, scratch your balls (and then your face), and harass women. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that culture?

Thousands of women have surgically altered their gender and ended up getting married to “straight” women who don’t seem to mind their lover’s situation; It’s what’s inside that counts my friend – it’s not the peel, it’s the banana.

“I am so obviously a woman.”

If your name is Tracy Lagondino, then you’d end up getting gender reassignment and changing your name to Thomas Beatie. Then you’d marry a woman and spend the rest of your life looking exactly how a stereotypical butch lesbian looks, except with surgically removed breasts and some facial hair that grows in patchy due to testosterone treatments.

Thomas recently shocked the world after writing an article for the gay magazine The Advocate, telling about how she, err… he is pregnant with a baby girl and due to give birth in July.

“It’s perfectly natural.”

Apparently, when you have gender reassignment surgery, you still have the option to keep your reproductive organs. Thomas chose to keep his internal lady parts, and after his wife had a hysterectomy, he decided to be artificially inseminated and carry the child for her.

I remember seeing a movie with Arnold Shwarzenegger called “Junior,” where he gets pregnant and carries the baby all the way until birth. Luckily, it was a C-section – I don’t think anyone could handle seeing a newborn ripping its way through those muscular buttcheeks.

“Get to da choppa! It’s not a tumor, it’s a baby.”

Thomas’ neighbors have voiced their disbelief about the pregnancy. One neighbor said, “I couldn’t say that he looks pregnant. I can stick my stomach out and almost make it look like that.”

Hmm… he has a point. Could this all be a farce? I’ve done some investigation and found some strong evidence that men can indeed look pregnant without being so. This man appears to be pregnant with triplets, but would you be surprised to know that he’s actually just been sitting around and drinking beer for 30 years?

“This ain’t no beer gut. It’s the gas tank to a love machine.”

Either way, I think it’s a beautiful thing when a woman gets her breasts removed, her clitoris enlarged with hormones, facial and body hair growing free and wild, and someone else’s frozen sperm injected into her… mangina. Sadly, my request for an invitation to the baby shower was declined.