Many years ago, when I was just a small child who knew nothing about good music, I remember hearing a song on the radio that instantly caused me to shit in my diaper. The song was “Sunday Bloody Sunday” by U2.

I can’t exactly pinpoint what it was about their music that made my sphincter let loose, but if you can imagine a dying whale moaning over some riffs that sounded like a retard slapping his dick on a guitar, then you get the idea.

“Dunday, broody Dundayyyy.”

The Irish band just signed a twelve year deal with Live Nation, meaning that Live Nation will be handling all of their merchandising and digital rights for the next dozen years. Twelve more years of U2 – oh joy.

U2 is a lot like having warts on your dick: No matter how bad you wish they would just go away, you can still shit in one hand and wish in the other and then see which one fills up first.

It’s just a figure of speech though – please don’t actually shit in your hand to see if it’s true.