Among my top five favorite things to do, driving through a fast food joint while nude and fondling myself is definitely number four, right after slapping babies.

Steven Gerrior, 25, from Marlborough, MA was arrested yesterday evening after a nude trip to the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru. Steven ordered a cup of coffee and drove around to the window, while twiddling his diddy doo-hoo in front of the cashier. The woman at the window was too disturbed to serve him, so she asked another female coworker to complete the transaction. Having worked a long week and not seen any penises lately, she gladly obliged.

“I wish more customers were as nice as you. You’re a sweetheart.”

Steven asked for extra napkins, while still fondling himself, and then drove away. The employees took down his license plate and called the police. He was arrested later that night for public lewdness.

Pshh. Why arrest a man for picking up coffee in the nude? He was thoughtful enough to use the drive-thru and he even drives a hybrid, which means he cares about the environment. So maybe he rubs his wiener a little bit in front of the ladies – maybe he had an itch. Sometimes I catch myself rubbing down there in front of little kids at the playground and I don’t even notice until an angry parent confronts me.

What I don’t understand is why he didn’t order any donuts. He already had the perfect place to stack them.

The judge let him go free without bail, so obviously he thought it was funny too.