posted on April 9th, 2008 by Dustin at 3:19 pm (EST) with 4 Comments
Life must be pretty interesting for Reverend David Ajemian, who recently plead guilty to stalking Late Nite show host Conan O’Brien.
No, that’s Conan the Barbarian, not O’Brien.
Anyway, David Ajemian’s schedule goes something like this:
6AM: Wake up, cold shower, masturbate thinking of Conan O’Brien.
8AM: Go to church, talk about God, think about Conan.
10AM: Quick “bathroom break,” more masturbating and obsessing.
12PM: Lunch, write a creepy letter to Conan’s family, masturbate, and then back to church.
You get the idea.
“I’m sorry, what was the question? I just keep thinking about Conan.”
David was arrested about 6 months ago while trying to enter the Late Night studio where Conan tapes his show. NBC had been well aware of David, who had been sending harassing letters, videos, and phone calls to Conan, NBC, and even Conan’s family.
In one of David’s letters, he called himself “one of Conan’s most dangerous fans,” and even indirectly threatened to shoot him where he lives. Keep in mind that this guy is a reverend.
“I just wanted a small lock of his beautiful hair.”
The word “reverend” is really losing its meaning these days. It seems pretty much synonymous with child molestor, pervert, or fucking idiot. Pretty soon, priests are going to have to start to explaining themselves every time they talk about their profession: “Well, I’m a priest… but not one of those crazy ones that you keep reading about. Just a normal one. I don’t fuck kids or stalk celebrities – I just really love Jesus.”
Yesterday, David was sentenced to pay a $95 fine and agree not to contact or go anywhere near Conan for 2 years.
I love our judicial system. Get caught with an ounce of marijuana and it’s considered a felony with prison time. Stalk someone obsessively, threaten to kill them, and exhibit all the signs of being a psychopath? $95 and a pointless restraining order.
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