It’s been said that dolphins are more intelligent than humans - we just haven’t been able to decode their sonar messages which are probably saying, “give us more fish.”

Just like some humans can be mentally retarded, it appears that dolphins can also suffer from the same disease. On Saturday, Sharky the dolphin collided midair with another dolphin and was killed in front of hundreds of SeaWorld spectators.

“Ahhhh! Look away Timmy!”

Although experts would disagree with me, I would say that this is obviously a classic case of dolphins playing “chicken.” They get bored swimming around and doing tricks for a bunch of stupid little kids. Dolphins, like humans, feel the need to take risks. Dolphins have been known to hold their breath underwater much longer than they should, play Russian roulette, attack sharks, and even eat poisonous fish to induce the same effects as a mushroom trip.

It wasn’t Shamu that died though, so nobody really cared. I care though - I fucking love dolphins even more than unicorns.