When I first read about Mary Fasnacht, 19, and how she was arrested for her home being too disgusting to live in, I was a little hesitant about including her story on SCS news. I thought, “Well shit, I don’t want to be a hypocrite because I’m a pretty messy person myself.” And then I saw some pictures of her home.

Oh, that’s not so bad. Let’s take a closer look:

OK, that’s pretty sick.

An officer was dispatched to the Florida (of course) home after someone complained that Mary’s one-year-old was being neglected in a filthy home. When the officer arrived, he had this to say:

“When I walked into the place, I immediately vomited. The vomit actually appeared to look better than whatever was growing on the carpet. Mary’s baby was in a crib filled with used hypodermic needles and tampons and was chewing on a used condom. I couldn’t tell if the condom was filled with baby spit or semen, but either way, I found the scene to be horrifying and slightly erotic at the same time.”

There may have been a little of my own paraphrasing of the officer’s actual words, but it’s a pretty close description of the place.

For the record, I’d like to point out that Mary’s last name Fasnacht kind of sounds like “fat snatch,” which is what she looks like.

“I’m the best mom ever!”

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with her place. Everyone knows that the wonder drug penicillin comes from mold.

Her house was officially deemed a biohazard and she was taken to jail. Keep ‘em coming, Florida. I love writing about you guys.