Have you ever looked at a company’s logo and found something oddly inappropriate or sexual about it?

Maybe not that obvious, but something more subtle that can be misinterpreted with a little creative imagining. Well, the Office of Government Commerce is in the process of redesigning their logo after people started noticing something odd about it.

I don’t really know what the Office of Government Commerce’s purpose is, but Wikipedia says, “the purpose of the OGC is to support the procurement and acquisition process of public sector organizations in the UK through policy and process guidance and the negotiation of overarching service and provision frameworks.”

Probably best not to think too hard about that.

The OGC’s original logo looked like this:

Pretty boring. Now, feast your eyes on the new design that cost them about $30,000 to come up with.

Notice anything odd about it? Here, let’s turn it on its side:

Oh my, it looks like a little man grabbing is erection.

The OGC had already plastered this logo all over mouse pads and pens before people in the company immediately took notice. There is a life lesson to be learned in all this… I just don’t know what it is exactly, but it has something to do with penises.

Fun times in New York yesterday. Maureen Lovetro, 18, was at an event watching first-bitches Laura and Jenna Bush speak about a children’s book, when a man started shouting insults at the Bushes’s’s’sses from the crowd.

For the record, I don’t know how to pluralize the Bush family’s name. Also, note the similarities between the last name Lovetro and the erectile dysfunction medication Levitra.

Moving on…

The shouter, 22-year-old German Talis, was angry about Iraq. Since he’s obviously a fucking moron and didn’t realize that screaming at Jenna Bush about Iraq is completely pointless, Maureen’s father told him to shut up.

Instead of moving on with his life, Talis approached Maureen (who is wheelchair-bound with cerebral palsy) and started punching her between the shoulders. Everyone reading this, don’t punch someone in a wheelchair – at least pull them out of the wheelchair first so they can’t lean forward and punch you in the crotch.

David Spade in his next role. Oops, that’s Maureen Lovetro.

Maureen’s dad pushed the wheelchair out of the way, but Talis reached past him and started hitting Maureen on the leg. Finally, Talis gave up on her and was fighting her father when police arrived and arrested him for assault.

I read a bunch of posts online from people who are outraged by Talis’s’ssses attack on Maureen. Some people are saying, “keep an eye out for this guy and kill him if you ever see him!”

Seriously guys, come on. You’re no better than Talis. The man is obviously mentally retarded and here’s why:

1) He yells at the president’s wife and daughter about war issues as if they had anything to do with it.

2) He attacks a girl in a wheelchair when her father tells him to shut up.

3) He punches her not in the face, but in the shoulders and leg. This goes against all instinctual rules of fighting.

So, if anyone sees Talis on the streets, don’t kill him for fucks sake. Just throw rocks at him and call him a tard like they did in Forrest Gump.

A lot of recent concerns have been raised on the topic of physically disciplining your kids. Is it ever truly OK to hit your children? I don’t see anything wrong with a little “tough love.” I got my ass kicked as a kid and I turned out alright… I guess.

Here’s a list of offenses that I believe warrant physical punishment:

Talking.

Breathing.

Looking at me funny.

Now that we have that cleared up, let’s talk about Alonzo Burke from Jacksonville, Florida. He was arrested last week after getting into a physical altercation with his 16 and 18-year-old daughters. The story goes like this:

Alonzo was driving his daughters to school when he asked his daughters to say a prayer. They refused.

While driving, he started pushing and hitting his oldest daughter. At some point she thought, “this is retarded,” and started hitting him back.

He pulled into a grocery store parking lot and the two girls fled the car. He grabbed the eldest again, but was attacked from behind by the 16-year-old.

Fighting with his two daughters in the parking lot, Alonzo bit the youngest and swung a backpack at the oldest.

Cops show up and arrest him for domestic battery.

The irony of beating your kids for not praying speaks for itself. The only way this makes any sense is if he was asking them to pray to Satan. I can totally imagine a Satan worshiper beating their kids for not embracing the Dark Lord. I know I would!

Animals are violent creatures. It’s a well-known fact that most animals – including kittens and puppies – hate humans. Every time you hear a bird chirp, it’s saying, “I’m going to fly into your room at night and peck you in the fuckin’ balls.”

That said, Rocky the grizzly bear just killed his trainer yesterday. Rocky is a 5 1/2-year-old grizzly that appeared in the newest Will Farrell movie Semi-Pro. Stephan Miller, Rocky’s trainer, was playing with the bear when it grabbed him by the throat and bit down.

The bear was subdued with pepper spray, but it was too late for Stephen. The other trainers at the facility were shocked by the attack because Rocky was known to follow commands very well and Stephen didn’t give Rocky the “chomp down on my neck and kill me” command.

Rocky the bear – he’s a maneater.

Randy Miller, the victim’s brother, has been working with animals for over 25 years and claims that his facility had a perfect safety record until this attack. A worker at a wildlife rescue zoo near Rocky’s facility said, “It’s still a wild animal. Even though it may appear that the bear attacked for no reason, there was a reason. I’m sure Randy understands why it happened. They’re not cold-blooded killers.”

Randy says, “I have no fucking clue why the bear attacked. There was no reason. He’s a cold-blooded killer.”

You can catch Rocky in the next Will Farrell movie – he will most likely be dead and playing the part of “Polar Bear rug.”

I’ve been waiting for someone in Kentucky to make the Sidecarsally news for awhile now.

The last story I did on a Kentuckian was about Andrea Bailey, who flipped out when she saw her daughter sipping on a penis-shaped straw that she bought at Wal-Mart.

That story didn’t capture the true essence of stereotypical Kentucky. This one does:

Joshua Moore was approached by police on Sunday in Louisville, Kentucky for… *drum roll*… pumping gas into an imaginary car.

Police approached him at the pump standing next to his imaginary 1993 Neon, smelled marijuana, and then searched him. They found two big baggies of weed, a bag of ecstasy pills, and a large wad of money. He was arrested on drug trafficking charges.

I’d seriously like to get my hands on whatever Joshua was smoking because judging from the look on his face in his mugshot, he had absolutely no recollection of the events leading to his arrest.

“An imaginary car? Well I’ll be dipped.”

Thanks Kentucky. Y’all keep up the good werk.