There’s nothing better than returning back from my vacation and having a little story about baby tossing to tell.

India is really a country that takes after my own heart with their bizarre and potentially disastrous ritual that involves tossing babies off a 50-foot building. Take a look, it’s fucking awesome.

Since nothing truly satisfying can last long without some turd bitching about the “dangers” of it, baby tossing is now under public scrutiny from critics who claim that something bad is bound to happen. OK listen, there’s 1.1 billion people in India. Who gives a shit if a few babies hit the ground occasionally?

This is the correct way to toss a baby.

India claims that the ritual is over 500-years-old and no accidents have ever occurred. Statistically speaking, one of those babies will have a bad toss eventually. All it takes is for ol’ Mr. Punjab to have a seizure right before he tosses the baby.

I’d also like to ask who the fuck considers themselves a critic in baby tossing anyway? I mean… you just hang around India all day criticizing every baby tossing event? Get a life, man.

All we need are referees to watch the events and make sure that the babies are being tossed correctly. To be a referee, you must be a responsible person that can be trusted around children, and the referee outfit must be traditional to India’s culture:

“If the baby gets hurt, I totally know PCR.”

In America, we dunk our babies underwater during Baptisms and all that dumb shit, yet nobody complains about the risk of drowning. The world needs less critics and more people down there trying to keep those damn babies from hitting the ground.