Have you ever been pulled over and lied to a cop to get out of a ticket? I’m not talking about denying that you knew the speed limit was 25 when you were driving 83 through a residential street. I’m mean telling a downright fabrication like, “I was speeding because I just left Red Lobster and I think I’m going to diarrhea all over myself.”

Women have it easy. All they gotta do is pull out their tits, maybe flash a little vagina, start crying, or use the old “I need to change my tampon” lie. All the guys have is the diarrhea excuse. Well, a man from the St. Louis area had a masterful idea when his buddy got pulled over last week. He decided to call the local police station and report a false robbery at a nearby convenience store.

The idea was to have the officer let them off so he could respond to the robbery, but unfortunately, the cop was standing right there and the dispatcher could hear him talking.

The news article I read failed to mention if the driver or his friend got into even more trouble for pulling this stunt, but I’m siding with them. Why? Simply because cops are dicks and somebody needs to pull a good prank on them.

Here’s a good trick to play on a cop:

Borrow a realistic-looking toy gun from a small child and conceal it in your pants. Drink an entire case of beer. If you vomit before the case is finished, then keep drinking, you pussy. After the beers are gone and you’re wasted, smoke a bunch of pot, do some coke, and then pour a bunch of tequila on your body to make you look, smell, and act like you’re out of your fucking melon.

Drive through a residential area going at least 50 mph over the speed limit and wait for the cops to line up behind you in pursuit.

Find the nearest public parking lot and pull over. Hop out of the car and start screaming that you’re going to kill everyone. Pull out the toy gun and wave it at the police until they shoot the shit out of you. When you point a gun at a cop, they don’t fuck around.

When you’re dead, the police will search your body for more weapons, bombs, drugs, etc. Have a hand-written note in your pocket saying, “GOT YOU! LOL!!!”

Bam! The cops just killed an innocent civilian who was just looking for a little fun. Alternatively, you can pay a friend to do all this for you, that way you’ll still be alive to witness the hilarity when they realize that you only had a toy gun.

“We need backup! He’s got a gun! And a… mop! And something weird on his head! Shoot this fucker!”