I can’t remember the last time I’ve reported odd happenings in Mexico. For awhile, I was thinking that Mexicans really had their shit together and didn’t do anything stupid or ridiculous like the United States. I could just imagine them all… sitting around… doing whatever Mexicans do. Making clay pots and shit. To be honest, the only thing I know about Mexican culture is whatever stereotypes the TV and magazines throw at us.

“Damn mang, that’s a nice car joo got there, mang.”

I came across an interesting story about a donkey that got into some trouble in southern Mexico after it attacked two men near a ranch. One man suffered from a bite to the chest and the other received a fractured ankle when the donkey kicked him.

Ever wonder what a donkey bite looks like?

That’s a legitimate donkey bite. Yikes! It looks painful. Almost as painful as that terrible hat.

Anyway, donkeys attack people all the time. They’re one of the most dangerous animals next to caterpillars. This donkey, however, will think twice next time he’s feeling frisky because he’s sitting in a Mexican jail right now. Not an animal shelter or a kennel; a human jail.

Since I’ve already said the word “donkey” about 40 times, I’m just going to call him Barry from now on. Barry is being held without bail (of hay… harrr harrr) until his owner can pay the victims’ $420 medical bills. I thought Mexico had free health care – I guess it doesn’t cover these situations.

When asked about jailing a farm animal, Officer Sinar Gomez said, “Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed, no matter who they are.”

No matter who they are? It’s a fucking donkey , not a human. Barry isn’t going to learn some valuable lesson while he’s locked up. If he bites an inmate, will he get solitary confinement? If he shanks someone in the shower, will he get the electric chair? Jesus Christ.

I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here: You never want to go to jail in Mexico.