There’s a lot of negative publicity regarding physical punishment of your children. Recent studies suggest that hitting your children for discipline increases the risk of them having violent sexual fantasies. Is that really a problem?

So basically, what they mean is that if you don’t abuse your kids at least somewhat, then they will grow up to have a really boring sex life.

“I’m sorry hun, but missionary is all I know.”

One woman who knows how to handle her kids is 45-year-old Brenda Hecht. This Florida mother was recently arrested for attempted murder after attacking her 18-year-old son Chamborg. That sounds like a robot name to me.

“I. AM. CHAMBORG.”

Anyway, Brenda was sick of her son Chamborg sitting around all day and playing video games. He quit his job at Kentucky Fried Chicken and got fired from Burger King for playing his PSP at work. Now all he does is freeload off her and talk about his penis.

There are two sides of the story here:

Brenda says that she had previously taken away Chamborg’s Xbox to encourage him to get a job, but he repaid her by putting a dead cockroach in her bed. After that, he taunted her by standing naked in front of her and bragging about his dick.

She then accidentally grabbed a meat cleaver, cracked his head open with the handle and then slashed his hand while he was fighting her off. Brenda defends herself by saying, “I popped him in the head with the wrong thing. It was just there.” She obviously didn’t know that striking someone in the head with anything is illegal, unless it’s something soft and non-threatening, like a goldfish or a tissue.

I’m still trying to figure out how showing your penis to your own mother is considered revenge. Show her your asshole instead because, man, nobody wants to see that.

“Eww, it’s so hairy it looks like a bird’s nest!”

Chamborg 3000’s story is slightly different. He says that he was arguing with his mother because she wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom. During the altercation, she grabbed the meat cleaver, started swinging, and threatened to cut off his head and his private parts.

Brenda is probably going to jail for a little while. But when she gets out and returns home, I’ll bet Chamborg will think twice next time he wants to put a cockroach in her bed or whip out his cock in front of her. Personally, I’m a fan of “tough love.” I often spend hours a day thinking about all the items I can hit my future children with. Cheers, Brenda!

Brenda Hecht - Sidecarsally’s Mother of the Month