My mind’s tellin’ me nooooo. But my body, my body’s tellin’ me yeaaaahhhh.

Today is a good day for R&B singer R. Kelly. He was found not not guilty of child pornography!

“I don’t see nothin’ wronggg with a little bump and grind – with an underage girl.”

Over a half-decade ago, Kelly was arrested when a sex tape surfaced that appeared to show him having sex with a 13-year-old girl. I’ve seen the video and I’m telling you, R. Kelly is a weird dude. After several minutes of sex and foreplay, Kelly stands over the girl and completes the video by pissing all over her. Classy!

“Hey, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.”

I understand and appreciate getting freaky in the bedroom, but I don’t get the whole pee and poop thing. I don’t even like looking at the toilet paper after I wipe my ass, let alone shit all over somebody.

Either way, I’m not one to judge him. Maybe there’s some kind of pleasure that I haven’t experienced yet by defiling women with my piss. You know what? Fuck it. I’ll give it a shot. Do any of you have a webcam I can borrow for the weekend?

I promise to give you a shout out in the video.