Mars: Like Earth, but less interesting
posted on June 27th, 2008 by Dustin at 2:38 pm (EST) with 8 Comments
Until recently, I was always excited to see what kind of crazy shit space exploration would turn up. When we successfully landed a research robot on Mars, all I could think about was whether or not we would finally discover the origin of child molester Brian Peppers.
“On my home planet, molesting kids is like the normal thing to do.”
Instead of the robot uncovering Brian’s relatives hiding in their little alien cave, it just took some really boring pictures of the Martian landscape. It pretty much just looks like Arizona minus all the lizards and Mexicans. Basically, if you want to add a fancy wooden deck to your house on Mars, good luck finding help.
“Wow, this planet sucks!”
Needless to say, I was a little bummed out when the pictures didn’t show any hi-tech cities populated by a bunch of green dudes with 12 dicks. However, the research robot was also scheduled to take soil samples, so I thought maybe something interesting would result from that. Well, it didn’t.
The recent results of the soil tests actually showed that the composition of Mars’s soil is quite similar to Antartica’s. Pretty fucking profound, huh? Umm, no.
Although scientists are pretending to be excited about this, I know it’s bullshit. They just have to act like this is still important information so we don’t realize the fact that they have spent billions of dollars to scoop up some dust from a dismal shithole-of-a-planet.
Fuck Mars, seriously.
8 Comments - Leave One!
Comments
Comment from Gabby
Time June 27, 2008 at 4:07 pm
yeah, when I saw on the news that there was new information about life on mars, I expected to see, I don't know, LIFE ON MARS, like a fucking alien or houses or anything that resembled life. not…dirt.
Comment from Mental Case
Time June 27, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Will NASA ever put a probe on uranius?
Comment from Valerie Vicious
Time June 27, 2008 at 6:35 pm
PShhhh Brian Peppers didn't molest kids. He sexually assaulted a nurse. Misinformation sucks. You lose 2 awesome points. :tongue:
Comment from Dustin
Time June 27, 2008 at 7:53 pm
If I say he molests little kids, he does! Besides, I was only four and it was very traumatic.
Comment from cakeface
Time June 28, 2008 at 4:11 am
duuude..he has the SAME disease or whatever the fuck as the bug eyed alien black kid!
Comment from Rebecca
Time June 30, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Not only is it terrifying to be raped.. but.. to be raped by THAT. Oh my god.
Comment from Claudia
Time June 30, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I will see that man in my nightmares now. Thanks for that, really. About the Mars crap, yeah everyone was all excited and now they have their panties in a twist that there's no new information. But did you REALLY think anything profound would come it..?
Comment from matt
Time June 27, 2008 at 3:37 pm
hahaha, omg, yeah we should just try saturn now, im tired of this mars shit. oh yea i got a shirt with pepper power on it, hes the fucking man…ha, always good coverage dustin, your the fucking man