Obama’s nuts in critical danger

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I hate politics. Occasionally, I’ll watch a video of McCain, Hillary, Bush, Obama, or any of those other douchetards and vow that I will never vote in an election. I have remained politically neutral because I feel that it’s much more satisfying to just sit back and watch the Democrats and Republicans fuck our country up. I can always say, “Don’t blame me – I didn’t vote for the guy.”

People say to me, “You should really become more active and vote. Don’t you care what happens to this country?”

My answer is no. As long as there’s a place better than America to hang out, I’ll just bail out and head over there if it becomes too shitty to live over here.

“Suckerrrrs!”

There are certain people of fame who are always sticking their noses into politics. One thing we’ve learned about celebrities – whether they are actors, musicians, or athletes – is that a large majority of them are completely fucking retarded, so it only makes sense that they would want to get involved in politics.

Most of you know who the great Reverend Jesse Jackson is. Aside from being completely insane, he is also a religious icon that a lot of people look up to.

Jesse’s younger years. He looks like Will Smith with a mustache.

Jackson is one of the biggest reverse racists of our time. A reverse racist is a hypocritical bigot that blames all of the world’s problems on other racists. This man lives for the opportunity to talk about ethnic discrimination. He dreams about killing Nazis at night. He shits racist turds.

Although he has slipped up and been called out on his bullshit countless times, people still stand around and listen to what he says – and they agree with him. If you are one of Jackson’s fans, please have someone repeatedly smash your genitals with a large brick so you can’t reproduce.

Today, Jackson made a public apology to Barack Obama after claiming that the Illinois senator “talks down to black people.” He expressed his anger further by saying, “I’d like to cut his nuts off.”

Eloquently put, Reverend.

Jackson didn’t even know he was being recorded at the time. He whispered the insults under his breath to the person next to him. He later retracted his statements and said that he’s actually a big fan of Obama. I understand how Jackson feels – I always want to cut off the nuts of people that I respect.

After his apology, Jackson claimed that he was a little annoyed with the way Obama addresses the black community – speaking down on them. A comment by Obama about black men being bad fathers also angered Jackson. I tried to find out if it’s common for black men to be terrible fathers, but none of the black women I talked to knew where their baby daddy was.

OMG, I’m just kidding. Don’t cut my nuts off!