Ever since I watched the newest Batman movie, I have been re-mourning Heath Ledger’s death. Why couldn’t it be Tom Cruise or Barack Obama? Why couldn’t Ben Affleck be the one to take a bunch of pills and die? Heath should have been in Hawaii with his kids. The world is so unfair.

I used to think of Ledger as the guy who awesomely played a self-loathing gay man in Brokeback Mountain. Now I think of him as the self-loathing gay man who also wears clown makeup and fucks up an entire city. In other words, it’s a big improvement, but I’ll never get those scenes from Brokeback out of my mind. I can’t even spit on my own hand for lube anymore because then I just picture Jake Gyllenhaal, doggystyle in front of me.

“Why can’t I quit you?!”

The Joker’s character was so insanely original in The Dark Knight, I knew it was only a matter of time before some copycats started following his shoes. It has happened all throughout history. For example, in the 1960’s, there was a guy in Australia who was dressing up as a kangaroo and going around attacking people.

Oh… OK, maybe that was an actual kangaroo.

Shit.

Either way, since the release of The Dark Knight, the first legit arrest of a Joker copycat took place this weekend in my lovable home state of Michigan. Florida must have taken the week off from stupid crime.

According to reports, 20-year-old Spencer Taylor was arrested at a movie theater for “trying to steal Batman posters and other collectibles.” Spencer, who was dressed up as the Joker at the time, is being charged with malicious destruction of property and larceny. Police made him pose for two mugshots, as if their friends wouldn’t believe that someone could actually be this big of a nerd.

Hahahahaha.

Man, those must have been some sweet collectibles.

You know, I understand why Spencer did what he did. It’s a double rush of adrenaline to imitate your favorite movie villain during some kind of illegal activity. I remember when I robbed a liquor store while dressed up as Lord Farquaad from Shrek.

“Give me all the money. Yes, I’m fucking serious… why?”

The next week, I tried holding up a bank while dressed as Hannibal, but nobody could understand my demands because of that fucking mask.

Seriously though, look at this kid. Can you imagine him in prison? He’s going to look as tasty as a piping hot apple pie to the other inmates. I really hope Spencer enjoyed briefly playing Ledger’s character because he’ll be replaying Brokeback Mountain in prison, but this time he’ll be cast as Gyllenhaal’s character.