Turdles
posted on August 1st, 2008 by Dustin at 7:56 pm (EST) with 13 Comments
Nowadays, police have all kinds of sneaky ways to catch pot growers. There are helicopters fitted with special cameras to spot weed plants in the wild. Other cameras use infrared technology to check for heated grow rooms inside homes. One time my house was raided because an infrared camera picked up a large hot spot in one of the rooms, but I was actually just masturbating furiously in my bedroom – they kicked down my door while I was mid-stroke with a finger in my ass.
That was pretty embarrassing, but nothing tops getting busted by a turtle for growing pot in a D.C. park. That’s right – a turtle .
A National Park Services employee was tracking a box turtle fitted with a GPS unit, when they stumbled upon ten marijuana plants growing in a secluded area.
Aww, they’re just little guys!
Instead of doing the right thing – waiting for the plants to finish growing and then ripping a few off – the park employee notified the police. Authorities staked out the area and soon found 19-year-old Isiah Johnson tending to the plants. He was arrested as his house shortly after.
Isiah, if you’re reading this, you’ve got my support man. Surely there has to be some kind of legal loophole that allows a criminal to walk on the charges if ratted out by an amphibian. Nobody can prove those were actually your plants. I mean, what was that turtle doing there in the first place? Has anyone even thought to question the turtle? Oh, it’s so easy to sit there and look innocent inside your stupid shell with your goddamn GPS unit glued to your back. The jigs up and I know the truth.
Man, fuck turtles.
13 Comments - Leave One!
Comments
Comment from USED-3dr
Time August 1, 2008 at 8:37 pm
their not all hero's in a' half shell, now are they! Its time for the world to know the turtles have a contract with the Keibler Elves, they make the snacks for the awful side effects know as the "munchies" while those damn turtles keep us all BAKED
Comment from bigone
Time August 1, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Turtles are reptiles, not amphibians.
Comment from Dustin
Time August 1, 2008 at 9:24 pm
They play in water and are slippery beasts. They're amphibians. Even though they really are reptiles.
Comment from matt
Time August 2, 2008 at 12:49 am
poor kid, i had some plants in my backyard last yr, and they got ripped off. i know who it was too. i should gut him…. ha. playin i'am. also i want whatever that turtle had. a doobie scaner, sweet 
rool)
Comment from T.Coon.
Time August 2, 2008 at 12:52 am
thanks.. I'll keep an eye out for those damn turtles. fuckers.
Comment from Lucy
Time August 2, 2008 at 3:02 am
I hate turtles right now o.O
Comment from .
Time August 2, 2008 at 7:25 am
And I used to LIKE turtles… Not anymore man, not anymore…
Comment from elebaud
Time August 2, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Mmmmm. Turtles…delicious!
Comment from Blackhand
Time August 2, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Yes i stole my mother fucking name from some video game… i ran over a turtle last week….it made a crunching splating sound…. Lol my code is refin.. that turtle was refin the marijuana
Comment from pwnag3
Time August 2, 2008 at 5:42 pm
lol 2 bad 4 the pot guy.. my code is ingry… i bet that the dude was ingry!!
Comment from josh
Time August 2, 2008 at 7:19 pm
i bet splinter put michealangelo up to that one.
Comment from Shorty
Time August 4, 2008 at 11:14 am
legalize, legalize…thats all im saying! :tongue:
Comment from Caitasaurus
Time August 1, 2008 at 8:25 pm
sucks to be him.. HIDE YOUR WEED BETTER!!!