When I think of Oklahoma, I imagine this huge hatchet-shaped state with large populations of wild buffalos grazing in the prairies. It’s probably not really like that, but Oklahoma is boring anyway, so who gives a shit? Not me!
You know that Oklahoma sucks when the only thing people remember about it is the Federal Building bombing that happened over 13 years ago. If you don’t remember that, then you are too young to be reading this website – go here instead, because this next story is fucked.
Oklahoma can finally be known for something more atrocious than a bombing. On July 28th, Holly Earles woke up to find her 2-month-old grandson sitting in his swing. He was just sitting there, looking all cute like an infant should – Oh yeah, and he was DEAD.
The family’s 3-month-old labrador puppy was covered in blood and sitting next to the baby. The shocking reality set in as it became apparent that the infant boy was partially-eaten alive by the puppy. This is why I prefer kittens.
Holly screamed and ran into the adjascent bedroom where the little boy’s mother, 17-year-old Linzy Earles, was sleeping. Let me pause for a second and say that I hope most of you don’t phonetically spell your names like Linzy does – that’s just lazy. Back to the story…
Police are now investigating whether or not drugs had a role in the death of Linzy’s son. This makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. Has anyone ever heard of a puppy taking drugs and then eating a baby? Yeah, I’m sure that kind of shit happens in third world countries where they have animals, drugs, and babies laying around all over the place, but this is America.
My question is, where the hell did they get this puppy from? I can see the Craigslist ad now:
3-month-old purebred labrador puppy looking for good home. Fantastic pet and will make a lifelong friend (for up to 17 years). Make this little guy a happy new addition to your family – you won’t regret it! Also likes to eat babies.
Perhaps the Earles family should have stretched a few extra cents for the non-generic dog food.
| Comments (25) |
Posted by Dustin @ 3:50 pm |
Special thanks to Rauchelle for sending me the original link to this story!
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Comment by Dustin — August 11, 2008 @ 3:53 pm
oh man!
This reminds me of that South Park episode where there was a door opened to a Parallel universe and the animals kill people.
EVEN THE FISH!
lol
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Comment by Camila — August 11, 2008 @ 4:17 pm
what you have to wonder is
what the fuck that kid was doing to taunt that dog
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Comment by jacob — August 11, 2008 @ 4:27 pm
holy fucking shit!!!! What I wanna know, is how did the baby not wake anyone up? That is one fucking polite-ass baby to not scream when a puppy is eating its limbs off.
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Comment by Cardboard Shell — August 11, 2008 @ 5:02 pm
Thats really fucked up.
And people said having cats killed babies.
Fuck that. I’m getting a cat.
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Comment by Caitasaurus — August 11, 2008 @ 6:12 pm
lol at your mspaint edited pics hahaha
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Comment by nate — August 11, 2008 @ 6:32 pm
awww,oh my god that’s sad.
wtf was that kid doing to make the dog EAT IT?
i’d like to know.
and by the way Dustin i have no clue what that old bombing thing is because i’m only 13 but i love your stories and hate the disney channel,thanks!
(:
code – kiessi?
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Comment by Anna — August 11, 2008 @ 7:28 pm
Psh! The mom is 17! WOW
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Comment by Allyson — August 11, 2008 @ 10:26 pm
Dustin you’re welcome!.. i had to have some reason to think this hell hole of a state i live in sucks..
The baby was in one of those automatic swings…. the mother (17 years old) has just got off of probation for drugs. that is why they are testing her .. bc honestly.. who the fuck wouldn’t hear a screaming baby? i know my niece will breathe different and i wake up! the grandma of the baby shouldve heard too. they suspect maybe the baby had milk(formula) on him.. and the puppy i guess liked it…eeekk
and dustin.. next time you spell my name wrong i’m going to shove your penis in a park bench.. and then hack your website to right a story about it
hehe… retarddddd
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Comment by Rauchell — August 12, 2008 @ 12:09 am
Ahhhh I’m sorry Rauchell ;O
Haha I knew what the drug test was for
I was just being stupid.
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Comment by Dustin — August 12, 2008 @ 12:18 am
OK
SO
A: WHO THE FUCK LEAVES A BABY ALONE WITH A DOG? you dont leave kids with dogs, even if you are certain they are kind pets
B: WHO THE FUCK SLEEPS…SLEEPS WHILE THEIR BABY IS ALONE WITH A DOG? You sleep when the baby sleeps
Sad thing to happen but
PARENTS FAULT no the dogs
If you ARE going to sleep or drug yourself out while the baby is awake put it in a fucking play pen or cot.
FUCK ME THIS SHIT PISSES ME OFF
baby is probably better off now anyway
Oh yeah, no idea about the bombing shit coz im Australian and i would have been 5 at the time… so…. yeah.
code is – hopers
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Comment by Metal Mistress — August 12, 2008 @ 2:04 am
The baby was already dead, which is why the dog ate it. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Cats and dogs will eat their masters when they die, except that older dogs are loyal to their masters; puppies are not loyal yet.
The Chinese penis story below this one is far more perverse!!
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Comment by helloyoho — August 12, 2008 @ 8:10 am
OK, the idiots probably failed to feed the dog because they were so fucked up and spent all their money on drugs. They also probably forgot they left the baby in the little swingy thingy. The dog got hungry and does what a dog would do to survive (it is a dog) and sought food – duh! sounds to me like these people are probably so fucking stupid they shouldn’t be allowed to breed anyway.
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Comment by Jane — August 12, 2008 @ 9:35 am
Kansas really kind of sucks too.
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Comment by Josh — August 12, 2008 @ 10:39 am
Weird shit, so I read an article in the news several months ago about a dog eating a baby’s toes and fingers off while its parents were taking a nap in the floor next to it. This is why some humans shouldn’t be allowed to breed.
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Comment by leslie — August 12, 2008 @ 12:11 pm
this was by far the most entertaining piece of news i’ve ever read.
.. ever.
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Comment by Rachel — August 12, 2008 @ 1:43 pm
i didnt really have
any further comment on this
one
i just wanted to
tell you that my code
was just
icipow
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Comment by jacob — August 12, 2008 @ 2:18 pm
holy shit man, i would be scared as fuck to see a baby swinging on a swing, dead.
fuck man, crazy story. i am so sticking with cats now. for sure.
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Comment by Dj G — August 12, 2008 @ 2:59 pm
oh my god. I actually thought to myself “I shouldn’t read this one”
MORAL: follow your instincts.
thanks for the nightmares
poor baby. </3
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Comment by Valerie — August 12, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
Wow Oklahoma is the most boring place on Earth. I moved from Vegas to freakin’ Yuuuuukon! Woo. Not.
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Comment by Kimmo — August 12, 2008 @ 6:47 pm
man that is crazy! my dog protects me. She’s like my fucking animal mom… And she was probably getting fucked and was like fuck the baby im bzy!
ok dustin theres one problem with your codes it says knouri but the k is hard to read looks like lcnouri
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Comment by blackhand — August 12, 2008 @ 7:50 pm
oh my god.. this is so messed up!
How can they even sleep while the dog was eating the baby?
didnt they hear the baby screaming like a maniac?
people these days.
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Comment by Luz — August 14, 2008 @ 1:40 am
Wow.
I love my kitten right now<3
and haha 2 people that commented this article are my best friends, you see Dustin?! I helped you
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Comment by Lucy — August 15, 2008 @ 3:45 am
i’m from oklahoma, and it really is pretty fucking boring.
and there are hardly any buffalos.
and just a shit ton of indian casinos for old white people to go and gamble at.
it’s pretty much a fuckin’ waste of a state.
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Comment by claire — August 31, 2008 @ 1:37 am
is it wrong that this story made my pants tighter?
PS. my word verification spelled “peetit”
awesome.
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Comment by Doug — August 31, 2008 @ 5:55 pm