B-I-N-G-OH MY GOD
posted on August 11th, 2008 by Dustin at 3:50 pm (EST) with 25 Comments
When I think of Oklahoma, I imagine this huge hatchet-shaped state with large populations of wild buffalos grazing in the prairies. It’s probably not really like that, but Oklahoma is boring anyway, so who gives a shit? Not me!
You know that Oklahoma sucks when the only thing people remember about it is the Federal Building bombing that happened over 13 years ago. If you don’t remember that, then you are too young to be reading this website – go here instead, because this next story is fucked.
Oklahoma can finally be known for something more atrocious than a bombing. On July 28th, Holly Earles woke up to find her 2-month-old grandson sitting in his swing. He was just sitting there, looking all cute like an infant should – Oh yeah, and he was DEAD.
The family’s 3-month-old labrador puppy was covered in blood and sitting next to the baby. The shocking reality set in as it became apparent that the infant boy was partially-eaten alive by the puppy. This is why I prefer kittens.
Holly screamed and ran into the adjascent bedroom where the little boy’s mother, 17-year-old Linzy Earles, was sleeping. Let me pause for a second and say that I hope most of you don’t phonetically spell your names like Linzy does – that’s just lazy. Back to the story…
Police are now investigating whether or not drugs had a role in the death of Linzy’s son. This makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. Has anyone ever heard of a puppy taking drugs and then eating a baby? Yeah, I’m sure that kind of shit happens in third world countries where they have animals, drugs, and babies laying around all over the place, but this is America.
My question is, where the hell did they get this puppy from? I can see the Craigslist ad now:
3-month-old purebred labrador puppy looking for good home. Fantastic pet and will make a lifelong friend (for up to 17 years). Make this little guy a happy new addition to your family – you won’t regret it! Also likes to eat babies.
Perhaps the Earles family should have stretched a few extra cents for the non-generic dog food.
25 Comments - Leave One!
Comments
Comment from Camila
Time August 11, 2008 at 4:17 pm
oh man!
This reminds me of that South Park episode where there was a door opened to a Parallel universe and the animals kill people.
EVEN THE FISH!
lol
Comment from jacob
Time August 11, 2008 at 4:27 pm
what you have to wonder is
what the fuck that kid was doing to taunt that dog
Comment from Cardboard Shell
Time August 11, 2008 at 5:02 pm
holy fucking shit!!!! What I wanna know, is how did the baby not wake anyone up? That is one fucking polite-ass baby to not scream when a puppy is eating its limbs off.
Comment from Caitasaurus
Time August 11, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Thats really fucked up.
And people said having cats killed babies.
Fuck that. I’m getting a cat.
Comment from Anna
Time August 11, 2008 at 7:28 pm
awww,oh my god that’s sad.
wtf was that kid doing to make the dog EAT IT?
i’d like to know.
and by the way Dustin i have no clue what that old bombing thing is because i’m only 13 but i love your stories and hate the disney channel,thanks!
(:
code – kiessi?
Comment from Allyson
Time August 11, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Psh! The mom is 17! WOW
Comment from Rauchell
Time August 12, 2008 at 12:09 am
Dustin you’re welcome!.. i had to have some reason to think this hell hole of a state i live in sucks..
The baby was in one of those automatic swings…. the mother (17 years old) has just got off of probation for drugs. that is why they are testing her .. bc honestly.. who the fuck wouldn’t hear a screaming baby? i know my niece will breathe different and i wake up! the grandma of the baby shouldve heard too. they suspect maybe the baby had milk(formula) on him.. and the puppy i guess liked it…eeekk
and dustin.. next time you spell my name wrong i’m going to shove your penis in a park bench.. and then hack your website to right a story about it 
hehe… retarddddd
Comment from Dustin
Time August 12, 2008 at 12:18 am
Ahhhh I’m sorry Rauchell ;O
Haha I knew what the drug test was for 
I was just being stupid.
Comment from Metal Mistress
Time August 12, 2008 at 2:04 am
OK
SO
A: WHO THE FUCK LEAVES A BABY ALONE WITH A DOG? you dont leave kids with dogs, even if you are certain they are kind pets
B: WHO THE FUCK SLEEPS…SLEEPS WHILE THEIR BABY IS ALONE WITH A DOG? You sleep when the baby sleeps
Sad thing to happen but
PARENTS FAULT no the dogs
If you ARE going to sleep or drug yourself out while the baby is awake put it in a fucking play pen or cot.
FUCK ME THIS SHIT PISSES ME OFF
baby is probably better off now anyway
Oh yeah, no idea about the bombing shit coz im Australian and i would have been 5 at the time… so…. yeah.
code is – hopers
Comment from helloyoho
Time August 12, 2008 at 8:10 am
The baby was already dead, which is why the dog ate it. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Cats and dogs will eat their masters when they die, except that older dogs are loyal to their masters; puppies are not loyal yet.
The Chinese penis story below this one is far more perverse!!
Comment from Jane
Time August 12, 2008 at 9:35 am
OK, the idiots probably failed to feed the dog because they were so fucked up and spent all their money on drugs. They also probably forgot they left the baby in the little swingy thingy. The dog got hungry and does what a dog would do to survive (it is a dog) and sought food – duh! sounds to me like these people are probably so fucking stupid they shouldn’t be allowed to breed anyway.
Comment from leslie
Time August 12, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Weird shit, so I read an article in the news several months ago about a dog eating a baby’s toes and fingers off while its parents were taking a nap in the floor next to it. This is why some humans shouldn’t be allowed to breed.
Comment from Rachel
Time August 12, 2008 at 1:43 pm
this was by far the most entertaining piece of news i’ve ever read.
.. ever.
Comment from jacob
Time August 12, 2008 at 2:18 pm
i didnt really have
any further comment on this
one
i just wanted to
tell you that my code
was just
icipow
Comment from Dj G
Time August 12, 2008 at 2:59 pm
holy shit man, i would be scared as fuck to see a baby swinging on a swing, dead.
fuck man, crazy story. i am so sticking with cats now. for sure.
Comment from Valerie
Time August 12, 2008 at 3:54 pm
oh my god. I actually thought to myself “I shouldn’t read this one”
MORAL: follow your instincts.
thanks for the nightmares 
poor baby. </3
Comment from Kimmo
Time August 12, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Wow Oklahoma is the most boring place on Earth. I moved from Vegas to freakin’ Yuuuuukon! Woo. Not.
Comment from blackhand
Time August 12, 2008 at 7:50 pm
man that is crazy! my dog protects me. She’s like my fucking animal mom… And she was probably getting fucked and was like fuck the baby im bzy!
ok dustin theres one problem with your codes it says knouri but the k is hard to read looks like lcnouri
Comment from Luz
Time August 14, 2008 at 1:40 am
oh my god.. this is so messed up!
How can they even sleep while the dog was eating the baby?
didnt they hear the baby screaming like a maniac?
people these days.
Comment from Lucy
Time August 15, 2008 at 3:45 am
Wow.
I love my kitten right now<3
and haha 2 people that commented this article are my best friends, you see Dustin?! I helped you 
Comment from claire
Time August 31, 2008 at 1:37 am
i’m from oklahoma, and it really is pretty fucking boring.
and there are hardly any buffalos.
and just a shit ton of indian casinos for old white people to go and gamble at.
it’s pretty much a fuckin’ waste of a state.
Comment from Doug
Time August 31, 2008 at 5:55 pm
is it wrong that this story made my pants tighter?
PS. my word verification spelled “peetit”
awesome.
Comment from Dustin
Time August 11, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Special thanks to Rauchelle for sending me the original link to this story!