Although America is turning to shit on every front, at least we still have organizations like the WWF (World Wildlife Federation) and PWCAATAPME (People Who Care About Animals That Are Pretty Much Extinct). It’s important that people still stand up to protect endangered animals and the environment while our planet continues to suffer from pollution and global warming. That is, until now.

Our loveable president, George “Fuck Nature, Gimme Oil” Bush, is hating on the environment again. Aside from setting the most negative records in presidential history, he recently just did something that has every bald eagle in the country wanting to take a shit on the White House. Say goodbye to the Endangered Species Act.

Well, the ESA is still in place… but not really. Confused? Here’s how the conversation between Bush and his people most likely went:

Bush: “I’m tired of all these scientists and people with degrees telling us what animals are about to become extincted. Yesterday, I saw three polar bears in downtown Washington DC. I shot one of ‘em and the other two ran away. If there’s polar bears in Washington DC, then they must be overpopulationed. These clowns don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Random cabinet member: “Sir, you were at the zoo yesterday. That was a domesticated animal you killed and they are still endangered.”

Bush: “Well goddammit, now I look like a fool. I want my internal agencies to be in charge of deciding which animals should be considered endangerfied, not some smarty pants geek who reads Ranger Rick everyday.”

Random cabinet member: “Sir, those ’smarty pants geeks’ probably know more than us what’s better for the environment.”

Bush: “I got some greenhouse gas for you, hippy.” *Squeezes out a fart and shits pants a little* “I think I just struck oil in my undies. Land ho!”

Basically, Bush has decided that it’s better for his people to monitor the Endangered Species Act and conclude which animals should be considered at risk for extinction, as opposed to people who don’t have piles of shit for brains.

I’m not going to get into the boring details about how this supposedly is going to prevent nazi-like environmentalists from complaining too much about greenhouse gases. In other words, Bush wants to make it easier for his affiliates to pollute our planet without having to hear people bitching about it.

Hey, don’t blame me. I didn’t vote for the guy.