Handshake fail
posted on August 14th, 2008 by Dustin at 11:44 am (EST) with 12 Comments
The 2008 presidential election is coming up in a few months and I have decided who I’m voting for – nobody. To be honest, I haven’t even considered voting in this election because I’m not a fan of either candidate. Most people decide who they are going to vote for based on a whether or not a candidate shares the same views on political issues.
I pick my candidates based on their wives.
I wouldn’t vote for Obama because his wife annoys the fuck out of me. She’s too uppity, like a skinny Oprah. Furthermore, she has blatantly ripped off Jackie Kennedy’s style from the 60’s. She styles her hair, wears the same dresses, and even sports a pearl necklace like Jackie did.
Jackie looks on, unimpressed.
I didn’t know much about John McCain’s wife before today, mainly because John McCain is old as fuck and I assumed his wife would be a wrinkled old bitch with tits that looked like two grapefuits swinging from a pair of old pantyhose. I was wrong, she’s actually not that bad considering she’s married to a man with more excess skin on his neck than I have on my nutsack.
Today I read a story about McCain’s wife, Cindy McCain, getting injured. I love when politicians injure themselves, so you can imagine my disappointment when it turned out that poor unfortunate Cindy had her wrist brutalized by a fucking handshake. It was at an event in Michigan, and a fan shook Cindy’s hand enthusiastically. Cindy had surgery on her wrist several years ago for carpal tunnel syndrome – the handshake was enough to send her to the hospital where she was fitted with a cast and an arm sling to treat a “sprained wrist.” Later on, everyone had a hearty laugh at Cindy’s expense.
I don’t usually call women this, but Cindy McCain is a fucking pussy. Stay tuned next week when Cindy breaks a couple of ribs after getting a hug.
12 Comments - Leave One!
Comments
Comment from Shorty
Time August 14, 2008 at 1:29 pm
we do not have good presidential candidates thats for sure!! I hate Obama! we do not need a muslim president!! not saying mccain is any better but hell at least he is from the USA!
Comment from Camila
Time August 14, 2008 at 4:12 pm
hahahahaha that’s funny…
I had a dream you were signing autographs and shit… hahaha
I know, weird.
Comment from josh
Time August 14, 2008 at 4:52 pm
what kind of dipshit would say they are voting for mccain because obama wasn\’t born in the US and he\’s muslim????? must be some readers from florida or wyoming.
Comment from Ryan
Time August 14, 2008 at 6:16 pm
voting on these 2 nut sacks is like that episode of south park where they have to vote on their school mascot..
A douche or a shit sandwich????
Comment from Ryan
Time August 14, 2008 at 6:18 pm
also in response to Shorty’s comment…..I love your enthusiasm towards “non” americans running the country, but you have to be a born US citizen to run for office!
Comment from blackhand
Time August 14, 2008 at 9:06 pm
lol.. we dont got readers from wyoming dumbass!!!
Comment from Lucy
Time August 15, 2008 at 3:23 am
LMFAO.
wow.
Comment from T.J.
Time August 15, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I’d like to see a fight between Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain. We all know Michelle Obama would unleash the ghetto fury in 3.5 seconds.
Comment from david tyler
Time August 16, 2008 at 11:59 am
lmao
T.J. is right
plus. cindy is a pussy like he says
how the hell does a stupid little handshake
A FUCKING HANDSHAKE
sprain your wrist. wtf
and she has a sling too
what is this. thats stupid.
Comment from Jane
Time August 16, 2008 at 5:01 pm
oh, poor Cindy McCain sprained her little hand having to shake the hands of the “commoners” – She’s never had to do a days work in her filthy rich life therefore she is frail no doubt from lack of having to lift a finger to do shit for herself and starvation induced osteoporosis. I can only imagine what her poor housekeepers and her other ass kissers have have to endure…
Comment from Papa Bear SLIM
Time August 18, 2008 at 10:32 am
Shorty is an idiot if he believes Obama is a muslim not from the USA. Shorty is a bigot if Obama was muslim and that was his reason for not voting for him. Good thing most Americans don’t have his “Deliverance” mind set (or atleast do a better job of hiding it).
It’s 2008 Shorty, and you sound like a backwoods hick that screws his sister.
Comment from Killerwit
Time August 14, 2008 at 1:07 pm
McSprained.