Until today, Arkansas never seemed like a place I’d ever care to visit. Aside from the World Championship Duck Calling Contest and the world’s largest can of spinach, Arkansas just kind of seemed like a boring place with nothing fun going on. That is, until I found out about the PFC – Pre-School Fight Club.

The first rule of Fight Club is never tell your parents about Fight Club.

In Fayetteville, Arkansas, two day care “teachers” were fired after allegations that they were organizing fights between three and four-year-olds during play time at a local church.

You know, I remember pre-school quite well and I would never consider the people who worked with the children to be teachers. Mainly, they were just a bunch of bitter old bitches that forced bologna and ketchup sandwiches down our throats. Occasionally, they would help me with my zipper in the bathroom when I couldn’t get my pants down, but they never really taught me anything except that it’s not good to drink my own pee. Back to the story:

Police started an investigation last week when parents complained that their kids were coming home with bruises. Apparently, two day care employees would gather the children in a circle and make two of them fight each other while the others watched.

I think people need to really think about this before being like, “This is terrible. How can someone make these precious little children fight each other?”

Kids are dicks. If it’s illegal to slap them around when they are being little shits, then why not let other kids do it for you? Furthermore, how much harm could toddlers really do to each other? This was good, clean exploitation and the rules were clear: No biting, kicking, hair pulling, or weapons.

I hate to be one to look at the realistic side of things, but this whole ordeal took place at a church. The children probably benefitted from fighting. Now they have some self defense skills the next time their priest tries to touch them.

Prevent this from happening to your kids by enrolling them in Pre-School Fight Club!