Lemme axe you somethin’
posted on September 3rd, 2008 by Dustin at 5:52 pm (EST) with 18 Comments
Nowadays, it’s pretty cutthroat in the ghetto. Babies carry guns now. Dogs, too. I mean, the dogs also carry guns – not babies carrying dogs. Babies are way too small to carry dogs, idiot.
For those of you who haven’t already seen the Chappelle Show episode where they talk about ghetto speak, here’s a quick lesson for you: A “loosey” is a single loose cigarette. Next time you’re in the ‘hood, ask a homeless man for a loosey and he will respond, “Man, I ain’t got not fuckin’ loosey. I was gonna ask you for a loosey, honkey.” Afterwards, you can feel cultured and brag to your friends that you’re a gangsta.
Late Saturday night, in Chicago’s South Side district, there was a ruckus. Two men – one of them 50-years-old and the other 60-years-old – got into a little tift over cigarettes. Since neither one of the men were named in the article, I’ll call them Jeff (50) and Leroy (60). Jeff and Leroy make a living by selling loose cigarettes.
Naturally, there is some competition in the black market loose cigarette business and things grew heated as Leroy moved in on Jeff’s territory and started selling to his customers. That motherfucker.
In a situation like this, it’s important for a dealer to stand his ground and show intruders that he ain’t no bitch and won’t tolerate others slangin’ on his block. Fuck that shit!
Since Jeff didn’t have a car, he hopped on his bike and slowly crept up on Leroy. Jeff also didn’t have a gun, so he grabbed the next best thing – an axe. The street lights glistened off the axe as it split thru the midnight air and struck Leroy on the top of his head.
Leroy crumbled to the ground like the twin towers, blood spraying out of his axe wound like Oprah queefing over the toilet on her period. He was rushed to the hospital in critical condition and by now, he could possibly be dead – as if that’s even important at this point.
The true lesson in this story is to be respectful and never infringe on another dealer’s territory. It’s a dangerous game that could get you shot. Well, depending on where you’re at, you might only get an axe in your face. But still, ouch!
18 Comments - Leave One!
Comments
Comment from Dustin
Time September 3, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Tift
n.
2. A fit of anger or peevishness; a slight altercation or contention.
Comment from Dj. G
Time September 3, 2008 at 8:18 pm
now i have to go into the ‘hood and ask for a loosey. i just have to.
Comment from Doug
Time September 3, 2008 at 8:34 pm
“Leroy crumbled to the ground like the twin towers, blood spraying out of his axe wound like Oprah queefing over the toilet on her period.”
Marry me?
Comment from Kimbo??
Time September 3, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Oh ja. Oh ja.
Honkey the Donkey.
Yes’um.
Comment from Jim Gaudet
Time September 3, 2008 at 9:00 pm
“The street lights glistened off the axe as it split thru the midnight air and struck Leroy on the top of his head.”
Beautiful..
Great Pics too
Comment from Christine
Time September 3, 2008 at 9:10 pm
You can’t make shit like that up.
Comment from Baby
Time September 4, 2008 at 11:02 am
“blood spraying out of his axe wound like Oprah queefing over the toilet on her period”
OMG That is pure genious I died laughing when I read that haha Ily!!
Gross… lol
Comment from rachel
Time September 4, 2008 at 4:04 pm
i’m going to chicago tomorrow, so i’ll make sure to be on the look out for jeff. hopefully i don’t accidentally step to him and get axed.ca
Comment from Matt
Time September 4, 2008 at 4:59 pm
That second picture is hilarious
Comment from Noel
Time September 4, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Those pictures are amazing.
“Leroy crumbled to the ground like the twin towers, blood spraying out of his axe wound like Oprah queefing over the toilet on her period.”
Hilarious. (:
Comment from Camila
Time September 4, 2008 at 8:09 pm
haha ROFL
nice story & drawings, haha.
Have you considered being an artist?
Comment from Rachizzle
Time September 5, 2008 at 1:57 pm
sometimes when I dont have time to read yurr shit I just scan through the pictures
lets just say this has got to be my favorite
Comment from Lucy
Time September 6, 2008 at 3:04 am
LOL@THETITLE
d00d, with school and shit i havent been able to read yo shit D:
Makes me sad, brah.
</3
Comment from Camila
Time September 6, 2008 at 4:15 am
I told my mom about this story and she laughed, lol.
Comment from Nathan
Time September 3, 2008 at 6:21 pm
The correct word is “tiff,” not “tift.”
Credit to: Nathan.