All of the guys reading this right now can start getting excited because today’s story proves that it’s true – Pamela Anderson really will fuck anything.

It has been reported that Pamela Anderson has been going on a string of dates with the King of Pop and I’m not talking about the guy who invented soda. I’m talking about Michael effing Jackson. What better way to celebrate his 50th birthday than by contracting 50 STDs from America’s most used-up cumbag?

This is just too fucked for me to even begin to comprehend. I can’t imagine what kind of a woman looks at Michael Jackson and thinks, “Now there’s an attractive, down-to-earth person that I’d like to date.” The guy sleeps with little boys and his face is a clusterfuck of surgical mishaps.

Furthermore, what the hell does Michael want with Pamela? I guess there’s no better way to convince the world that you also fancy women than by hooking up with the skankiest bimbo around.

I have to admit something: I’m jealous. Pamela, I know I talk a lot of shit about you. Your taste in men is terrible and your good looks started fading away years ago. But still, when’s it gonna be my turn for some action? When am I gonna get to pollinate your biscuit and butter your flower patch? God I hate you, but I love you too.