This morning, I was driving to work at the butt crack of dawn. I got about a mile away from my house and saw the woman driving in front of me smoke this dude on a bike. I wish my knees were double jointed because I’d really like to kick myself in the sack for not getting any pictures of the accident on my phone.

This isn’t an actual picture of the accident. I just wanted to stimulate your imagination.

Hopefully the guy was alright. He got up off the pavement, screamed a few obscenities at the woman, limped over to his bike and carried it over to the grass. Unfortunately, he wasn’t fucked up or bleeding from his ears, but his front rim was bent completely in half. He also looked a little discombobulated, but then again, he may have just been retarded.

I’m not sure who’s fault it was because I was looking down and rolling a joint at the exact moment of impact, but you know it’s going to be a good Monday when the first thing you see is a cyclist eating the front bumper of a Ford Focus station wagon.

This is just a reminder to everyone: Drive safe. I don’t want any of you assholes running into me.