If everyone in the world did recreational drugs and they could be divided into categories, I think I’d wanna hang out with the crackheads.

Potheads can be fun at the height of a good buzz. They talk about crazy shit and occasionally have some profound realizations about life. This is typically my group, but the intellectual-type of stoner fun generally only occurs when smoking high-end chronic, as opposed to shitty dirt weed. Most of us can’t afford the chronic, so we are cursed with a zombie-type high – staring at the television for hours and munching on snacks. *Yawn*

Cokeheads are way too uppity and annoying. Combativeness and extreme excitement take over their personalities as they either want to punch somebody or dance like assholes to shitty music.

E-tards are probably the worst of all. I’m just not a fan of the touchy-feely people that take ecstasy. No, the carpet doesn’t feel like God’s ass hair. No techo isn’t the most amazing thing ever. Take off those ridiculously colorful bracelets, necklaces, and baggy pants before I slap a douche stamp on your forehead, idiot.

“I just took 3 yellow Pikachus and 2 Red Devils!” Fuck you, losers.

Crack is where it’s at.

On Tuesday morning, 27-year-old Amanda Johnson was booked into a Georgia jail after being accused of trying to trade her 7-month-old baby for crack cocaine.

Oh, she doesn’t look like a crackhead at all. Just kidding.

She was arrested at an Augusta hotel after an all-night crack party. I always figured crackheads were solitary people wandering the streets and begging for money to buy a rock. I didn’t know they have all-night crack parties! Sweet!

Amanda brought her baby to the party while she and several others smoked crack in the same room. Most people would think this is bad parenting, but I just think she was trying to show her infant how to have a good time. Besides, second hand crack smoke isn’t bad for babies at all… is it?

After reporting on so many stories like this, I’m not surprised that a mother would do something like this to her child. What does surprise me is the fact that anyone would think another crackhead would want to trade some of their crack for an infant. I’d be like, “Pshh, go find your own crack, lady. I don’t want your stupid baby.”