Sidecarsally – Your Source for Offbeat News and Reviews

The man who farted out a battery

posted on September 25th, 2008 by Dustin at 5:00 pm (EST) with 11 Comments

Cops are supposed to be fearless heroes that would climb up a flaming tree to save a chinchilla, right? Oops, that’s firemen. Cops, cops, cops. What the fuck is a cop anymore besides some douchetard with a badge waiting to arrest the next person that annoys them?

Back in the 70s, if you got pulled over for a DUI, sometimes the cops would put you in jail for the night and release you the next day. If you were close to home and not completely hammered, they would just follow you home to make sure you made it safely. Cops used to have respect for their fellow humans. They were decent people who didn’t sit on a high horse and cast judgment down on commonfolk. Too bad that’s not the case anymore. Nowadays, cops are more like senile old women that hate life and feel obliged to complain about everything.

Meet 34-year-old Jose Cruz. I couldn’t find a picture of him, so here’s a picture of a different man named Jose Cruz.

Jose’s unfortunate story would best be described by a nice little poem I wrote:

Jose Cruz, from West Virginia
Had some skills, quite like a ninja
He’s facing jail, it’s so retarded
Charged with battery when he farted

Driving home with no headlights
I never said Jose was bright
A little drunk, he got pulled over
The cop could tell he wasn’t sober

At the station, getting booked
Jose was treated like a crook
“I need to shit,” Jose mumbled
He sat there as his tummy grumbled

He ripped a fart, the smell was foul
Enough to make the drug dogs howl
It smelled like an abortion clinic
Jose laughed… the officer didn’t

Although it didn’t seem that large,
The cop tacked on a battery charge
The one thing you can learn from this:
Don’t ever fart in front of the pigs.

I know this sounds ridiculous, to be charged with battery for a simple fart, but have you ever smelled a 100% authentic Mexican fart? It’s HORRIBLE.

11 Comments - Leave One!

Comments

Comment from Baby
Time September 25, 2008 at 5:52 pm

Hahaha omg!
Thats too funny.
Lol your poem was AMAZING.
It really should be published ;]

Comment from tmo
Time September 25, 2008 at 6:30 pm

fuck yea you used the story…..fuck the pigs!

Comment from Brittney
Time September 25, 2008 at 7:36 pm

<3 the poem — soo romantic!

hispanic farts = filthy…

Comment from Eddy
Time September 25, 2008 at 7:41 pm

glad my dad is a good cop. he doesn’t have a quota to fill.

Comment from Christine
Time September 25, 2008 at 8:11 pm

how the fuck can cops even do that?
you should be a cop against cops.
…yeah.

Comment from Hoof Hearted?
Time September 25, 2008 at 8:57 pm

You have GOT to be kidding me. A battery charge for flatulance? Last I heard, flatulance was funny. It must have been a stuck up dyke woman cop. Cuz we all know, woman cops are the worst. Oh, and they are all dykes. Just try AND PROVE ME WRONG.