Fire prevention education should be as important in schools as sexual eduction. In a typical sexual education class, students are taught about condoms, pregnancy, STDs, and anatomy. But, what are they taught about fire prevention? Some retard in a bear costume tells 4-year-olds not to play with matches.

Instead of Smokey the bear, David Stanifer should travel around and tell children about his recent brush with a fiery death.

David, obviously a nerd. Look at that fancy computer. Let’s play some Warcraft, dude! LOL

Early Monday morning, David and two of his friends were drinking in his garage and playing with his pet rat. David decided to let the rat run around freely, but didn’t want it getting lost, so he tied some twine to the rodent. Instead of using scissors to cut the twine, he tried burning through it with a lighter. You can guess what happened next.

“Ahhhhhhhh!”

Animals don’t like when you set them on fire. The rat looked back at David setting the twine ablaze and thought, “Ummm, fuck this!” It ran around the garage, with the flaming leash, and started small fires wherever it went. David and his friends weren’t able to put out the flames, so they spread to the house and caused over $30,000 in damage before being extinguised. The best part: It was his parent’s house. His dad was in Africa teaching starving children about Jesus, and his mom was working.

To me, this is a sign from above. Don’t blame David for his stupid actions. God is just punishing his father for trying to force his religious beliefs on an impoverished African country that could give a fuck less about Jesus.

Oh, you should also add David Stanifer as a friend on Facebook. Just click here. Yes, he lives in Florida.