German doctors claim that they have cured a 42-year-old American man of AIDS. For over 20 months now, he has tested negative for the virus. Apparently, the patient was treated with stem cells from a person naturally resistant to the virus. Wait a minute. A person can be naturally resistant to AIDS?

That completely explains how I don’t have it. I went through a really bad hooker fucking/strangling spree in the 80’s and should statistically have the virus by now.

This is great news for everyone! Condoms are now a thing of the past. Ladies, next time you’re with a dude and he tries to put on a condom, call him a pussy and then inform him about the cure for AIDS. Guys, next time a lady asks you to use protection, just say, “Pshh. Baby, I am protected.”

Stem cells are very funny little guys.

Of course, pregnancy would still be an issue, but abortion clinics are everywhere these days. Plus, at the rate people are having abortions these days, isn’t about time you had one?

So, go now! Share needles with your druggie friends. Have unprotected anal. Drink human blood. It doesn’t matter anymore. AIDS is cured!