Black Friday in America is a consumer phenomenon that occurs the Friday after Thanksgiving. Millions of people wake up at unholy hours to go shopping for special deals that occur only on Black Friday. Every year, there are stories of shoppers fighting and trampling when stores open their doors.

I have participated with the masses on this infamous day many times, and it always reminds me of that scene in The Lion King, where Mufasa dies in a stampede.

Damn you, Scar!

Friday morning, a Long Island, New York Wal-Mart opened its doors to a crowd of zombie shoppers. These shoppers would stop at nothing to get great deals. You could almost hear them chanting, “Braaaaaiiinnns! Braaaainsss!”

This type of behavior is expected when you consider what your typical Wal-Mart shopper looks like.

Jesus lady, I hope you’re shopping for a bra.

An unfortunate 34-year-old Wal-Mart employee had never dealt with Black Friday shoppers before. They broke through the door as it opened and trampled him to death. It’s a terrible thing this man wasn’t prepared for the wave of destruction that was heading his way. Even the infamous “Wal-Mart Greeters” were tucked away in safety.

The man was rushed to the hospital, but declared dead right there. If you’re wondering why I haven’t said his name, it’s because his name was Jdimytai Damour, and I didn’t want you caught up for 20 minutes, trying to pronounce it.

Statistics show that you aren’t very likely to be killed in a stampede, but if you do, it hurts really bad