Most of us are probably not familiar with anal beads. I wasn’t, until a few minutes ago. I didn’t actually familiarize myself with anal beads by using them on myself or anyone else, so I can’t say that I have pro-knowledge on them, but the Internet has taught be plenty.

Here are some interesting facts about anal beads that I thought you might want to know:

1) It is recommended to experiment with anal beads on yourself first! This rule applies to men as well. Fellas, if you’re using beads with a hooker for the first time ever, you don’t want to look like an amateur. Practice on yourself in the bathtub with some canola oil for lube.

2) Anal beads need good lube. Actually, do NOT use canola oil. Special lube is important when using beads because the anus is very sensitive to tearing. Trust me, you do not want a rip in your rectum. Nobody’s ever said, “I love my anal fissures!”

3) Anal beads can be dangerous. Beads attached by a string or rope-like material are BAD NEWS. Porous material like rope cannot be effectively cleaned of all the anal bacteria. Poop-related bacteria can cause conjunctivitis (pinkeye) and even worse problems if it gets inside your vagina (true story). It’s best to use beads that are attached by something non-porous like silicone or glass. Be careful with glass though. To see a glass-to-anus-related injury, click HERE (By clicking, you agree that you’re at least 18-years-old).

4) Anal beads are pretty much a mystery. As far as I know, anal beads were given to us by God because I cannot find any other explanation for them in any History book.

5) There’s no real measuring system for anal beads. You can’t go into a sex shop and ask for a “six gauge anal bead” like you’re shopping for body jewelry. They’re not that scientific yet, so they just go by S, M, L, XL, and SRSLY?

6) Don’t rip a whole string of anal beads from his/her anus! This is one of the most important facts to remember. I knew a guy who tore a string of beads out of a girl like he was starting a lawnmower. It ended in her screaming and running out of the room, trailing blood down the hotel hallway and into the elevators.

I think you should all have the necessary knowledge to become expert “AB users” now. Make me proud!