Until now, the myth of the toilet snake has been a laughable one at best. Imagine this: You walk into the bathroom and sit on the toilet, preparing to let a few gorillas fingers drop from your ass. Suddenly, a sharp pain in your testicles causes you to jump in the air, exposing a giant snake attached to your scrotum by two sharp fangs. It’s the toilet snake!

How the fear of shitting begins.

This may sound like your 7th worst nightmare, but it really happened to a Taiwanese man yesterday. As of Monday, the 51-year-old victim was only being treated for minor injuries to his genitals.

Taipei locals claim that he was bitten by a type of rat snake, which is good because rat snakes are pussies compared to anacondas and cobras. Here’s a comparison:

Notice the rat snake in this picture. It’s biting a bicycle tire. Isn’t this the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen a snake do? I hate this snake.

Now, take a look at this anaconda:

All snakes should be this big because then they wouldn’t be able to fit in your toilet. As for them being dangerous, anacondas will rarely attack a human in the wild. If you’re unlucky enough to actually get bitten by one, then you shouldn’t have been messing with it in the first place, dumbass.

Bonus: Check out this extremely rare picture of an anaconda attacking a man underwater while his Latina girlfriend makes a futile effort to save him. Someone should make a movie about this!