Poor little guy
posted on May 25th, 2009 by Dustin at 1:05 pm (EST) with 9 Comments
Remember 13-year-old Alfie Patten? It’s been a few months.
Alfie allegedly knocked up his girlfriend Chantelle when he was only 12-years-old. Some kids are early-bloomers, but Alfie looked more like a little boy than a teenager.
Shortly after The Sun printed Alfie’s story, several boys came forward and said that they too fucked his girlfriend Chantelle. Oops!
Even before the allegations from other boys, I predicted that Alfie was not the real father strictly on the fact that there’s no way this little kid could bust a nut 2 years before I did. Was I right? Yes.
DNA test results several weeks ago indicated that Alfie was NOT the father. Instead, some random kid named Tyler Barker is. He said that having sex with Chantelle was, “the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life.”
During all of the media chaos, Alfie wore this specially-made hoodie that said, “I’m the daddy! If I’m not, fuck you all, I’ll still be there.”
There really is a middle finger on the back of his head lol.
This is why I hate kids. They fuckin’ think they know it all. I hope Alfie Patten learned a huge lesson from this: never fuck girls named Chantelle. I have never met a girl named Chantelle that wasn’t a big slut.
9 Comments - Leave One!
Tags: Alfie Patten, Update —
Comments
Comment from claire
Time May 25, 2009 at 1:46 pm
that sucks for him…and he’s just a media whore, I guess. which makes him a match for a regular whore. damn…she is really fucking ugly. gahhh!
Comment from =D
Time May 25, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Lol This is so unrelated to this article, but I thought you should know, if you type penis into the search bar on your page, you get 9 pages of your articles that include the word penis =D
lol
Good job!
Comment from Dustin
Time May 25, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Hahaha wow. I totally have a thing about dicks. It’s so obvious now.
Comment from Joel :D
Time May 25, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Well, to be honest. I don’t think this kid’s nuts have even dropped yet, let alone, how the hell did he manage to get a girl? The question might be reversed, how the hell did that ugly bitch manage to get a mate?
Comment from :)
Time May 25, 2009 at 7:17 pm
that bitch looks like a little skeez.
Comment from Sean
Time June 4, 2009 at 4:41 pm
That is honestly true, I’ve known two Chantelles in my life, and one dropped out of school in 9th grade because she was pregnant, and the other got in a fight and had to go to alternative school, she also had a shitty haircut.
I am also glad I can actually read the captcha.
Comment from The Beautiful Kind
Time June 19, 2009 at 11:43 pm
This is the hottest thing I’ve ever read.
Oh wait. Replace “hottest” with “MOST FUCKED UP.”
Comment from bocefus
Time June 20, 2009 at 2:08 am
Chantelle looks like the guy I sit next to at work if he was addicted to heroin instead of gambling.
Comment from JKNAI
Time May 25, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I hope Alfie comes to his senses for once in his life and leaves the ho to take care of the kid herself. He’s 13, he should get on with his life and take his newfound time to try to GROW. He still looks like he’s 7. O_O
code: holown