You know what’s awesome? Going to Time.com, and seeing this headline:
Florida has a problem, and it’s not alligators anymore. Stories of sexual relations between female teachers and their students have been popping up all over Florida this year. It’s an epidemic, apparently.
This is the kind of epidemic I was praying for as a young man in high school. Why couldn’t Mrs. Jensen ask me to stay late for some extra credit (penis-in-vagina)? She must have been a lesbian.
What is it about teenage boys that drives unattractive sex-starved teachers wild? I put together a crack team of teacher-student sexologists at the University of Shitsville, and they prepared this explanation for me:
We have discovered the cause of the epidemic to be a new gas called dick vapor.
Dick vapor is a colorless, tasteless, odorless vapor from that rises from teenage boys’ crotches. The vapor has been proven to attract female high school teachers, hungry for an underage erection.
When combined with a tropical climate like Florida’s, dick vapor becomes a potent compound, enveloping the boy in an invisible vapor cloud — thus making him irresistible to the female faculty at his school.
The only females who can avoid succumbing to dick vapor are non-sluts, women with morals, and lesbians (bi-sexuals are not immune to DV).
With this information, scientists can work on a way to circumvent dick vapor, or at least lower the dick vapor index (DVI) in a classroom. This would help the more vulnerable teachers focus on their lesson plans instead of the crotches of underage boys.
| Comments (12) |
Posted by Dustin @ 5:43 pm |
Not just Florida my friend. Melissa Weber from New York just got busted bumping uglies with a 14 year old in her classroom after class. If it had been during class though she could have just said she was teaching Sex Ed too.
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Comment by Hoof Hearted? — May 31, 2009 @ 6:07 pm
I want to know who these losers are that are getting laid at 14 and then tell their parents (like the kid in NY). Had it been me I’d have gladly kept my trap shut.
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Comment by Don V — May 31, 2009 @ 6:26 pm
I’d probably rat her out after busting a nut on her face, but that’s just me.
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Comment by Dustin — May 31, 2009 @ 6:28 pm
haha well well florida… damn can they stay outta the news? i remember you used to write 3 or 4 stories of dip shits in florida a week.
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Comment by blackhand341 — May 31, 2009 @ 6:47 pm
God dammit I wish I would have grown up in fucking Florida. All the cool shit happens there and I get stuck with shitty michigan weather and shitty roads.
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Comment by Doug — May 31, 2009 @ 7:01 pm
Florida! .<
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Comment by Lucy — May 31, 2009 @ 7:26 pm
>.<*
By the way, dick vapor sounds truly awesome.
just think, it has as much effect on a girl as a vagina has on a guy.
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Comment by Lucy — May 31, 2009 @ 7:28 pm
I fucked Mrs Jensen dude…
im sorry man, I couldn’t help it
the way she graded my homework
just screamed do me now…
I’m sorry Dustin i wish i didn’t have to tell you here.
But Know this my friend
everytime i busted one in her face
(tear)
it was for you
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Comment by femicide — May 31, 2009 @ 9:44 pm
Dick Vapor sounds like a superhero alias.
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Comment by Cock Fogbank — May 31, 2009 @ 10:08 pm
Dick Vapor and Cock Fogbank!
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Comment by Dustin — May 31, 2009 @ 10:19 pm
that is bad ass. the DVI. lol i spit mountain dew on my laptop after reading that. thanks ASSHOLE! lol jk
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Comment by Sarah — June 1, 2009 @ 12:00 am
Florida Epidemic, aren’t they the same thing..
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Comment by Jim Gaudet — June 1, 2009 @ 12:04 am