Bret Michaels is a God of men. So what if he’s 46-years-old and has hair extensions and a mysterious forehead that he never exposes — do you swim in a sea of naked sluts that are obsessed with you? Do you have three seasons of a reality show where dozens of whores beg for your love? I didn’t think so.

Don’t hate. Even if he might have herpes.

You can imagine how sad I was to hear that Bret was “injured” during last night’s Tony Awards. Wait, you don’t know what the Tony Awards are? Don’t worry, neither do I, but Wikipedia does: “The Tony Awards are considered the highest U.S. theatre honor, the U.S. theatre industry’s equivalent to the Academy Awards (Oscars) for motion pictures.”

Sounds cool, right? Wrong.

According to MTV News, “In honor of the nominations for ‘Rock of Ages,’ a theatrical celebration of ’80s-era hair metal, Poison took the stage to perform their iconic “Nothin’ But a Good Time” with the cast of the musical… Bret Michaels missed his mark at the end of the song and was slammed in the head by a large piece of scenery that descended from the ceiling.”

Although it didn’t look that serious, Bret fractured his nose and received three stitches in his lip. After returning from the hospital, Bret spent the remainder of the evening receiving oral sex from the entire Tony Awards audience.

Bonus: Although Bret spends the majority of his time crushing mountains of quality poon, he wasn’t always so picky. In the mid-80’s, Bret would regularly light a vanilla-scented candle and woo a fatty with his acoustic guitar.

Bonus GIF image (800kb):