Boycott pneumonia!
posted on June 23rd, 2009 by Dustin at 3:47 pm (EST) with 7 Comments
I’ve got a big problem with somebody, and his name is Pneumonia. Last year, he killed Bernie Mac and got away clean. Here is a list of some very important people that Pneumonia has killed:
1. Freddie Mercury (lead singer of the band Queen): He had AIDS, but pneumonia killed him.
2. George Washington (1st US President): His doctors actually killed him, but they were treating him for, that’s right, pneumonia.
3. Bruce Paltrow (Gweneth Paltrow’s father): He also had oral cancer, but pneumonia had a hand in his death too.
4. Lamb Chop (famous puppet): Also known as Shari Lewis, but I always paid more attention to her puppet. Uterine cancer + Pneumonia = Dead.
5. Harriet Tubman (former slave / slave rescuer): Pneumonia killed a former slave and probably a bunch of holocaust victims. It doesn’t get any worse than that.
6. House Peters Jr. (AKA Mr. Clean & Sharkman): Pneumonia killed Mr. Clean? There is no God.
Rest in peace, pneumonia victims.
Today we can add another legendary name to the Wall of Pneumonia. Ed McMahon died in the hospital today. He was 86-years-old.
RIP Ed McMahon 1923-2009.
The last decade was pretty shitty for Ed. He was plagued by mold-related health problems, severe financial woes, a broken neck, and [rumors of] bone cancer. He also probably had a swollen prostate gland and trouble urinating, as most elderly men do.
Had it not been for pneumonia, Ed would have made an epic comeback by starring in his own new reality show “I’m Ed McMahon, Bitch!” He also would have released his own fragrance “McMahon 4 Men.” And let’s not forget about “McMahon’s Manitees,” the aquatic equivalent of “Jerry’s Kids.”
7 Comments - Leave One!
Tags: Death, Ed McMahon, pneumonia, Tragedy —
Comments
Comment from kazz
Time June 24, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Pneumonia is a common killer of people with AIDS because of their weakened immune system, so it is true that Freddie Mercury died because of AIDS.
Comment from Dustin
Time June 24, 2009 at 1:11 pm
But the AIDS wasn’t like “Hey Freddie, we’re gonna kill you!”
It was more like, “Freddie, we’re gonna allow pneumonia to sneak in there and getcha!”
Comment from Lucy
Time June 24, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Exactly Dustin.
What people don’t understand is that although it does play a big part, AIDS doesn’t necessarily KILL you. It just makes your immune system extremely weak, and when you have such a serious disease like pneumonia, it tops everything of.
I had it when I was a little child, and it’s definitely not a stroll at the park.
._.
Comment from Bill
Time May 24, 2010 at 8:04 pm
I, too, have had Pneumonia. I have had this foul disease three times in my life already. By God’s miraculous grace & power I am still alive to tell the tale.
I have had both types – bacterial & viral & each is as nasty as the other!!
My prayer is that all who are unfortunate enough to contract this disease…. seek medical & divine help asap…..
Thank God for good medical professionals & also for His mercy & healing grace.
Comment from Dustin
Time May 25, 2010 at 8:43 pm
lol Bill. I don’t know who you are, but you make me laugh.
Comment from Ellie
Time December 7, 2010 at 9:00 pm
Add Leslie Nielsen. 
Comment from The Beautiful Kind
Time June 23, 2009 at 6:03 pm
I think you forgot Jim Henson, god rest his muppet-hand-up-ass soul.
Or maybe he died of strep or flu or Sesame Street impetigo. Regardless, every bit as tragic as the death of Lamb Chop’s Mistress or Mr. Clean.