Billy Mays, Infomercial King, dead @ 50
The Hollywood grim reaper has struck again! Famous people are droppin’ like flies.
“HI, BILLY MAYS HERE! I KNOW YOU’RE DRUNK AND PASSED OUT ON YOUR FRIEND’S COUCH AT 4AM, BUT WAKE THE FUCK UP BECAUSE I’VE GOT A TOWEL I WANNA TELL YOU ABOUT!”
Billy Mays, also known as the “OxiClean Guy,” died this morning. REST IN PEACE, BILLY!
According to the Tampa Police Department, “Mays, 50, was found unresponsive by his wife inside his Tampa, Florida home at 7:45 a.m. on Sunday.”
Billy’s wife Deborah found his body and made a statement to the press this morning, but rather than giving us helpful details, she says this: “Although Billy lived a public life, we don’t anticipate making any public statements over the next couple of days. Our family asks that you respect our privacy during these difficult times.”
Hey, I just wanna know how he died. Billy claimed that he was an avid user of the products that he sold on television. What if they gave him cancer? I use OxiClean to clean my bong! I also use Kaboom to clean dried semen off the shower walls — it’s the only place I can masturbate without being interrupted by my cat. She’s so darn curious!
I never used those ridiculous Zorbees towels though. Shamwow is far superior.
Since the cause of death is unknown at this point, we can play a little game. First, watch this “bonus footage” video of Billy Mays “goofing around” during one of his commercials:
Now let’s try to guess what Billy Mays died from. Here are my guesses:
1. Heart Attack
2. Stroke
3. Brain aneurysm
4. Cancer from one or more of the follow products that he sold: OxiClean, Orange Glo, Kaboom, Engrave It, Handy Switch, iCan, Mighty Mendit, Mighty Putty (regular) & Mighty Putty Wood, Hercules Hook, AwesomeAuger, Steam Buddy, Zorbeez, Big City Slider Station, The Ding King, ESPN 360, Energize, Impact Gel Insoles, Omni DualSaw, Jupiter Jack, What Odor?, Tool Bandit, SIMONIZ Instant Shine, SIMONIZ fix it! (regular) & fix it! PRO, Gopher, Samurai Shark, Grater Plater, Ragazzi’s Pizza, and Green Now!
5. Swine Flu
6. Whatever Chris Farley died from (I can’t remember if it was drugs or fat)
Post your cause of death guesses in the comments section below.
| Comments (11) |
Posted by Dustin @ 1:25 pm |
We all know this is 4chan’s doing.
I have a feeling Chuck Norris is next.
Comment by Lorrilai — June 28, 2009 @ 1:58 pm
Someone else just told me THEY thought Chuck Norris was next. Did you read that on 4chan? LOL
Comment by Dustin — June 28, 2009 @ 2:01 pm
He got smashed in the head by something after the plane he was in blew out a tire.
Maybe the same thing happened to him that happened to that actress Natasha Richardson who died recenty. She hit her head bad,she thought she was fine when it happened…dead some hours later. Or maybe his wife killed him for being annoying.
Comment by Hoof Hearted? — June 28, 2009 @ 2:03 pm
he sold everything!! i think that guy invented oxygen.
Comment by steF — June 28, 2009 @ 2:04 pm
I’ll miss hearing him yell. ):
Comment by Nicole — June 28, 2009 @ 2:11 pm
If Chuck Norris’s dies there is no God.
Comment by Lucy — June 28, 2009 @ 2:16 pm
chuck norris cant die. he’s a robot. dont you know? he would punch death in the face with his beard fist.
Comment by patrick — June 28, 2009 @ 2:58 pm
how many fucking celebrities have died this week?
my guess is a meth and cocaine overdose.
Comment by Tinkle — June 28, 2009 @ 10:10 pm
he clearly inhaled too much oxi clean fumes and thought that the little moth balls where big things of crack so he tried to snort them but that didnt work. as he was chocking he grabbed the nearest turkey baster full of orange glow(his wife had an orange glow filled turkey baster fetish) and injected his arm with it to remove the crack(moth balls) ill affect. he fell over and died. his wife came out and worrying that people would find out about her fetish and his drug addiction claimed that he died from the plane accident and hid the moth balls, crack and sold the meth to dustin for 10 bucks a shot. Dustin being the good guy he is of course took it and sold it to canadian mexicans for 200 a shot and is now living in a small mansion just off the coast of cuba with a bunch of oxi clean crazed idiots. I know what you do at night. that is all( i take no responsibility for half of the ramblings in this post because its midnight and i’m tired and my house smells like dog)
Comment by blackhand341 — June 28, 2009 @ 10:47 pm
goddamnit, i\’m gonna miss that fucker. it\’s 6,000 times more important to me than goddamn michael jack-off.
Comment by Dj. G — June 29, 2009 @ 1:49 am
FUCK MAN NOW ATS FUCKED UP
EYY DUSTIN I JUST KLICK ANY RANDOM ADS/.
AND THEN I CLOSE DEM,,, IS DAT KOOL HOMIE GEE?/?
WEST COAST BABY BABY!!!!
Comment by TONY B. — June 29, 2009 @ 2:32 am