I have something to admit. I had a crush on Lady Gaga until I heard this on the radio:

Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick.
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.

The first time I heard those lyrics, I confirmed them on the Internet, and then a fit of rage took over my body. “She can’t be for real,” I thought. “Nobody calls it a disco stick.” Next thing I knew, people were singing it on the streets. “I need a gun,” I thought.

I always defended Lady Gaga’s “quirky” sense of style until I heard the disco stick song. It’s funny how our feelings change about people after they annoy us.

Yesterday, Gaga appeared at a press conference for the Isle of MTV Malta music festival wearing a shiny black “mask-type thing” on her face. She looked like a goth burn victim.

Lady Gaga in Malta, auditioning to be a nurse in the next Silent Hill movie.

When asked about the mask, she said, “It’s not just a mask, it’s a contemporary art piece.”

Art, shart. It’s fairly obvious that her costume was inspired directly from Voldo, the creepy blind guy from the fighting game Soul Calibur. Add some hand-blades, and they’re twins.

“This isn’t just my fighting costume, it’s contemporary art piece.”

Many people don’t know this, but Lady Gaga used to look like a human. But you can’t have a name like Lady Gaga, and look like some boring Italian bitch on Facebook.

Gaga, in an old picture, posing with some strange white-faced people.