If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a bitch-ass snitch. Call ‘em informants, rats, narcs, tattlers, or whatever you want — they’re all the same, snitches.

“I heard a nigga snitching from his jail cell, and when he get out, will he live? Only time will tell,” is what Master P spits in the song Snitches. I agree.

Angela Simpson, 33, is another person that doesn’t like snitches. “I believe informants and child molesters should be killed… period,” she said in an interview from prison. Simpson is currently being charged with the torture/murder of a 46-year-old handicapped man.

Angela Simpson — Snitch-killa.

Here’s the story in a nutshell:

Terry Neely, 46, was living at an assisted-living facility in Phoenix — he was constricted to a motorized wheelchair for reasons unknown to me. On August 2nd, surveillance videos captured Terry leaving his residence. Three days later, his partially-dismembered body was found in a burning trash container next to a Phoenix church.

RIP Terry Neely, lest ye be snitching in heaven. Definitely looks like an ex-cop.

The night of his disappearance, Terry was on his way over to Angela Simpson’s place. She had seduced him with promises of sex and drugs. Since there’s nothing wrong with a little jungle fever, he accepted and scootered his way over to Simpson’s.

Simpson thought Neely was an informant for the police. Whether that’s true and why isn’t important to this story — All you need to know is Angela Simpson fuckin’ HATES snitches.

According to Phoenix police, Simpson tortured Neely for 3 days. She beat him with a tire iron, drove a 3-inch nail into his head, pulled his teeth out, stabbed him over 50 times, slashed his throat, partially-dismembered him, and then burned his body in a dumpster.

The torture also took place in front of a mirror for the victim’s convenience — If you’re gonna be tortured to death, you should at least be able to see what’s going on.

“He needed to see what he deserved,” Simpson told an interviewer.

I miss the old days when torture was more civilized.

Although Neely was killed in the beginning of August, Simpson wasn’t arrested for it until August 19th. Police knew where to find her though because she was already in jail for a robbery that she allegedly committed last week with Edward “Cracker” McFarland.

And now for the sweet irony: Cracker (Simpson’s robbery accomplice) reportedly snitched to his apartment complex manager about the gruesome murder but threatened to kill him if he told police. He was additionally charged in connection with Neely’s death.

“Mullumbimby High School is set against a picturesque backdrop of riverbanks and rainforest at the edge of Mullumbimby,” New South Wales, Australia.

That’s a direct quote from Mullumbimby High School’s website, but I didn’t believe it either, so I looked it up on Google’s Street View. It’s just another shitty school.

It’s got a few palm trees. Yay.

The school’s website also claims that they have an Anti-Bullying Policy — Students are specifically educated about the consequences of bullying. It’s like sex ed, but instead of condoms and period-talk, it’s about bullying.

Another one of the “strategies” defined in the Anti-Bullying policy is “the provision of lunchtime support for students who are at risk in the playground” — protection in case one of the rival playground gangs tries to beat you to death.

That would never happen, would it? Playground gangs? LOL!

Stop laughing, asshole. On Friday morning, 15-year-old schoolboy Jai Morcom was beaten to death during a fight on the Mullumbimby High School playground.

Dozens of students and teachers witnessed the fight, but the story is still unclear. One thing is known though: The fight originally started over a “game” in which rival playground gangs compete for the “best lunch seats” outside.

This particular fight was between the two gangs known as the “Emos” and the “Footy Heads” — the Australian equivalent to Goths Vs. Jocks. Judging from his haircut in the picture below, Jai was most likely one of the Emos.

Bonus victim fact: Jai has a brother named Mayo — like ‘mayonnaise’

At lunch time, one of the Footy Heads stole a seat from the Emos and all Hell broke loose. Remember, this is a GAME that they play. I feel stupid just writing about it.

Yeah, so somehow Jai ended up involved in the fight that erupted and he was beat into a coma by several people. He was on life support until yesterday, and then he died.

The Mullumbimby High School playground is now a crime scene, and police have dozens of witnesses to interview and cross-examine. I guess they don’t know that Friday was National Emo Kid Beatdown Day. This year, Jai was the unfortunate “chosen one.”

“Nothing to see here, just a holiday taking progress.”

Adam Goldstein, also known as DJ AM, was found dead in his apartment yesterday from a suspected drug overdose. He was 36-years-old. His biggest “accomplishments” include fucking Nicole Richie, Mandy Moore, and being an ex-member of the band Crazy Town.

He also owned over 600 pairs of shoes, the majority of them Nikes. Could it be that his death was karma-related for all the child labor that went into his collection? Hmmm…

Wearing a D.A.R.E. shirt, but died of an overdose. Ohh, the irony!

Less than a year ago, Travis Barker (Blink 182) and Goldstein (DJ AM) were the sole survivors of a fiery plane crash that took the lives of everyone else aboard. They were taken to the hospital in critical condition, but made hasty recoveries.

A month after the crash, Goldstein told People Magazine, “I have a great deal of faith that everything happens for a reason. I put myself in God’s hands.”

I’ll bet it’s nice n’ toasty in there!

If everything happens for a reason, then God made Goldstein survive the plane crash so he could die of an overdose less than a year later. Wow, that’s bleak.

Goldstein was reportedly depressed because of a recent break-up with longtime girlfriend Hayley Wood. He also suffered from post traumatic stress disorder and had recurring pain from the plane crash. But at least he still had 600 pairs of shoes!

This is like the real-life version of the movie Final Destination.

I was going to write a little more about Adam Goldstein, but truthfully, I couldn’t care less about this article. And I really need to take a shit, so umm, RIP Adam Goldstein.

Poop time!

When my uncle got arrested for his 12th drinking and driving offense, I thought, “Man, my uncle sucks at drinking and driving. How do you get busted twelve times?”

All you gotta do is close one eye and stare at the hood ornament on your car. Keep within the lines and drive the speed limit, and you should be OK.

OR you could just not drink and drive at all — probably a better idea.

My uncle may be the king DUI offenses, but he isn’t the GOD of it. This week, a man was arrested in New Mexico for his 22nd drunk driving offense.

On Monday, a police officer spotted a car on the side of the highway — the 51-year-old unnamed driver was laying on the ground next to the car, drunk. Very drunk.

An ambulance transported the man to a hospital in Santa Fe, where blood-alcohol analysis showed a content level of .393 percent — 5x the legal limit!

Police said records showed the man has been arrested 21 times before, but did not know if he had any actual convictions. If not, I want his lawyer for my next murder trial.

The suspect was released from the hospital and booked in the Santa Fe County jail for a felony DWI charge. Don’t worry about him though — he’ll be free and driving again soon.

Too bad the legal system isn’t as forgiving for crimes like sexual harassment. I’d be grabbing tits all the time. At least I wouldn’t be endangering lives!

Travel back to August 6th, 2009. You’re a 12-year-old girl leaving a friend’s birthday in Ontario, Canada. Outside your friend’s house, a red van pulls up and a creepy-looking man asks you to get in. Despite endless warnings from your parents about talking to strangers, this guy doesn’t seem so bad — so you enter the van.

Oops, that wasn’t a very good idea because you’re about to get raped now.

The van finally pulls up behind a high school over 30 miles away. The creepy man forces himself on you, tearing your clothes off. A neighbor miraculously hears your cries for help and calls the police, who arrive just in time to find you stumbling around outside, half-naked, as the van peels away.

Your rapist is 32-year-old Stanley Tippett and you’ll never forget his face.

“Heyyyy you guyyyyyyyssss!”

You can stop pretending you’re a 12-year-old girl now, unless you’re enjoying it.

Later that morning, police found Tippett’s red van, but it was abandoned. A search of the van uncovered two condoms — both contained DNA from the victim. That day, Tippett was arrested and charged with kidnapping and sexual assault.

Despite the evidence stacked against him, Stanley Tippett maintains his innocence: He didn’t rape that girl. He was carjacked and dumped out of his own van, where he blacked out. When he regained consciousness, a girl had been raped, and he was the suspect.

Here’s a list of other things that Stanley Tippett “didn’t” do:

1) A 15-year-old girl went missing in 1999. Her remains were found over 4 months later in a ravine near Toronto. Stanley Tippett was her neighbor and the main suspect in the murder investigation, but was not charged because of the lack of forensic evidence.

2) In June 2005, Tippett was convicted of harassing a 25-year-old female neighbor, but he received a suspended sentence.

3) In October 2005, Tippett stalked a 21-year-old woman on numerous occasions, claiming that he worked for the local YMCA and that he wanted to hire her for employment. The woman grew suspicious after calling YMCA — they hadn’t heard of Tippett. She notified police and assisted them in staging a “To Catch a Predator”-type meeting with Tippett. Upon his arrest, a search of his vehicle uncovered duct tape, rope, a jackknife, shears, measuring tape, orange pylons, a hammer and long plastic ties. JESUS!

After the October 2005 incident, Tippett was convicted of criminal harassment and attempted kidnapping, and sentenced to 2 years in prison. The judge said, “You are a stalker. You are a predator.”

The only thing prison rehabilitation did for Stanley Tippett was make him want to become a better rapist, and even that didn’t work. This man is clearly fucked.

It’s probably safe to say that Tippett will be going to prison for much longer than 2 years this time. Only 4 innocent women needed to be raped, murdered, or harassed before the law finally caught up with him. But what about his wife and five kids?

That’s right, it gets better. Tippett is not only married with five children, but he also has a pregnant mistress that he’s engaged to.

Stop spreading your rape babies everywhere, Stanley! I may want to have a daughter one day and I don’t want your kid touching her.

Stanley Tippett’s wife, Natalie, and son (future degenerate rapist).

I just wish he would make up his mind.

Stanley, are you gonna rape and murder little girls, stalk young women, or marry dumpy-lookin’ broads and have babies with ‘em? Pick one and go with it!